In Uncategorized on November 5, 2009 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , , , ,

i’m so glad i decided to blog. you all are so wonderful, and i very grateful to now have you all in my life. thank you from the bottom of my heart.

i have been feeling more positive since my last post, it’s been up and down. i am happy to report that i bought myself a book yesterday (i’m reading what i want, screw school, okay that’s a bit dramatic i think i have the time)


probably just because amy & rebecca like it so much ;)

i started it last night, and i can hardly put it down, i read more this morning before i even got out of bed :)

i think i have figured out a way to describe how i have been feeling in the world lately, small. not really physically small, but in terms of necessity. it’s a feeling of insignificance. and for me i have always believed that i can only be important if other people think i am important. <–that right there is a big problem, i let other’s dictate me. i want to change this, i want to be enough as i am. i am enough. we are all enough.

reality is a fuzzy thing for me. i have the tendency to decide certain things aren’t possible in my reality [i can’t say hi to him, we can’t really be friends, etc.] essentially i’m putting myself into a box, setting up boundaries. honestly it’s no wonder making friends is hard for me, a part of me doesn’t think it’s possible. that part of me is what Ed feeds on. he helps to create the expectations that are impossible for people to live up to, he creates scenarios that will never happen and will always leave me disappointed. i am going to work on this, i think practicing mindfulness with help me with this.

ah i’ll let go of the heavy stuff and move on to the yummy stuff :)


pb & j, banana, oats, & cinnamon puffins = sheer bliss

no shame in this breakfast 2 days in a row, its a winner!


i won me some zevia from the lovely kristi’s giveaway a few weeks ago. i’ve never really been much of a pop drinker but i really appreciated the fizzy-ness! it tasted just like i remember pop tasting and i would highly recommend it. i am quite excited to try the other flavors!

other than that jazz, i went out to dinner with a somewhat estranged friend last night. i told her i was transferring & then i got annoyed because she kept saying how she was sorry about it and aw emily, blah blah. i had to keep telling her that there was no reason for her to be sorry, there is nothing to be sorry for and there is no reason for her to feel bad. but whatever.

we went to panera & that was good, but it was kind of peeve-ish how they are now posting calories on the menu board. but i just have to remember they are just calories, that’s all.

so it’s totally dinner time right now…hmm what to make in the oh so wonderful microwave! haha :)

i hope everyone has a lovely night!

&& ps—i’m totally loving rebecca’s idea of a bloggy book club! how shall we arrange it?

and do you ever talk about food with people who don’t exactly know that you are struggling? (if that makes sense)

i don’t really talk to people about foods i like…or really the fact that i like to eat healthy (i used to) i share things with my mom, but i guess i think i don’t like normal foods so i shouldn’t talk about it….huh i make no sense.

“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” –Mahatma Gandhi


9 Responses to “grateful”

  1. I would have never guessed that mixture consisted of those ingredients….

  2. YAY, you’re reading the book! That makes me so happy. We must discuss, asap!

    And yes. Book club. PALEASE!

  3. you are a genius for adding cinnamon puffins to your oats – will have to do that asap!

  4. I know what you mean about building walls around yourself, I think I do that a lot too. And I’m so glad you are feeling more positive lately! That is wonderful :)

    Yes, I do talk to people about food who don’t know I’m struggling, it’s not really awkward because I find that a lot more people than I thought like the same things as me..:)

  5. i’m glad you are feeling better- i’ve also found so much support in the blogging community. & that’s soo weird that panera is posting their nutritionals.

    keep up the positive attitude girl :) try not to let ed get to you too muc, it isn’t worth it


  6. Ever since I started being able to EAT normally, I really relish talking about food with other people, knowing I CAN eat them..hopefully you will get to that stage too soon, my dear!
    Also, I have to say….be careful with that book. I used to read it sort of as a Thin-spo thing, and I’m weary towards it now. It is an awesome book, but it’s double-edged…it can either help you feel motivated to CHANGE, or make you even more triggered to delve deeper…so just be careful, ok?

  7. Hello =)
    I just came across your blog, and I’m loving it. Your posting is so very realistic, and almost every one of them hits so close to home with me. I look forward to reading all your updates (and acrchives!).. Hope its alright that I link you?
    Also, I know totally how you feel about the friends/social aspect of life. lol my mom is always telling me the same thing =o Its amazing how much in common you can have with strangers over the internet :P Sorry if thats at all creepy.. and sorry this comment has become so long and drawn out!

    Feel free to drop by my blog anytime, and keep up the amazing work!

    Ps. Your cereal in the PB jar looks enchanting. I can’t wait for me to empty mine so I can try :P

  8. aw, thanks for this wonderful post girlie! I’m loving all the positivity…it is SO important!

    Hope you are having a great Sunday! xoxo

  9. Emily! I really so glad I found your blog!! I have that book Wasted, somebody gave it to me but I never read it, Im definitely going to be reading it now!
    I actually find it easier to talk to people that dont know my struggles about what I like to eat, when I talk about it to those who did not know me a year and half ago I feel like I am creating a new identity free from my ED and I love it!
    I still sometimes feel uncomfortable because i really do enjoy eating healthy so I am very careful not to brag about my health consciousness (in the depths of my ed i often made it known how “healthy” I was) now i talk *and think* more in terms of balance =]

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