not sure where i’m going

In Uncategorized on January 12, 2010 by Emily ( Tagged:

so i wrote a post yesterday & i didn’t want to post it. definitely the first time that has happened. it was whiney & pissy & stupid. basically that’s how i was feeling yesterday. i don’t want to discount my feelings, but come on i need to grow up sometimes.

i realized yesterday that i’m still stuck within myself. within restrictive thoughts, number thoughts, desperately refusing to actually gain weight. (please don’t worry for my well being, i am in the bmi range, just the lowest end)

i realized Ed is holding me back. i can’t “recover” on Ed’s terms.

at this point i’m not sure what to do. i made an appointment at the counseling center for next week.

& i think i’m going to take a break from blogging to see how that feels…

remember i love each and every one of you, if i don’t make my way back remember i am supporting all of you.


17 Responses to “not sure where i’m going”

  1. Take your time to do whatever you need to do. I know you’ll figure this whole thing out :) Just breathe and take one day at a time!

    hang in there.

  2. We all support you endlessly. Seriously, I am ALWAYS here for you. Email, text, call… whateva! Love, love, love you Emily. You are beautiful <3

  3. oh emily, i know we only “met” a short while ago, but i’ve already grown to love your blog and YOU! your feelings are totally valid, but it’s great that you’re recognizing that something has to change and are makin the moves to do it! i hope that the counseling center provides some much needed support. you’re in my thoughts. i really do hope you come back to blogging but if you don’t i hope you will be well and take good care of yourself, you deserve the best!

  4. em- take care of yourself. if you need anything, im here for you.

    love youu

  5. I really respect you for post yesterday. I am sure that took courage.
    I wish you well and only the best! You will get through this rut with some faith and hope:)

  6. I’ll miss you but completely support you doing what’s right for you.
    “i can’t “recover” on Ed’s terms.” – Very wise words, and a reminder that I definitely needed. Maybe ED has been at the wheel thus far, but it seems your taking control of determining a brighter future. Starting with that appointment. I hope it goes well and that you return to Blogland in a better place. Or that you’re in a better place and don’t return at all. Either way I’ll be thinking of you and sending positive vibes. ;)


  7. I’m really proud of you for making an appointment with a counselor. That is the perfect more positive step you could take right now. I support your blogging break, but will miss you!

  8. It makes me sad to hear that you feel so confined at the moment – but I am so proud that you are taking the appropriate steps for yourself! Good luck with the counselling my friend :) Hopefully we will hear from you soon.

    All my love and support,


    Things will get better!

  9. Emily
    I felt the same…I just wrote what has been on my mind and my heart for awhile..and I wrote it in my latest post …then regretted it…too personal? too negative? too childish? So confusing. I probably should just journal it…
    I hope you feel better…I will miss you…but take all the time you need…I think its great to see a counsellor…having someone to talk to can hopefully bring some relief.
    Love :)

  10. so sorry love, we are all here for you. let me know if you need anything.. STAY STRONG! moments of weakness like this make us realize how much we need Gods strength!

  11. I think despite how you feel, it’s great that you are being honest with yourself and realizing that recovering on Ed’s terms isn’t an option.
    I don’t know if you know the author Jenni Schaefer, she wrote Life without Ed, but she just came out with a new book, “Goodbye Ed, Hello Me,” – i suggest getting a copy, it’s a veryyyyyyy helpful read!
    My thoughts are with you :)

  12. its okay emily! we are all here for you(: i hope you feel better soon. keep thinking positive thoughts xoxo soph ♥

  13. Oh Emily, don’t give up yet. Recovery is tough, and there are bound to be rocky steps, and sometimes you feel exasperated because it’s not over in a click of the fingers. But we are humans after all, and we can’t always keep up with our real inner desires, and keep that fire of motivation burning. There will bound to be times when you fall. But, what I mean about all “in” is that even when you fall, you don’t give up. You still remind yourself that you are NOT okay, and that your ultimate goal is still total recovery. And you struggle, but you continue on. And you know what? Struggle IS good. Because that means you are fighting. And fighting is always a good thing.

    Keep fighting, my dear girl. I’ll be waiting.

  14. Aww hun… I’m glad you’re doing what’s best for you, but I’ll miss you. Don’t let yourself be dragged back into ED. I know it’s hard; truly I do. It’s good to see you’re getting some help though. And we’ll be here to support you when you come back :)

    Be strong, love… xox

  15. Emily – I just wanted to add that I reviewed a book on my blog today that you might want to consider reading…it might not help at all or whatever…but i find some books do have offer some perspectives that might relate to others…hope you are well.

  16. I love you, Emily, and I hope you find some kind of peace of mind. I totally understand 100% and am going through a similar situation in life. Please never hesitate to message me… <3 I'm here for you, always.

    Love, Amy

  17. LOVEE!
    Your thoughts, feelings and emotions are NOT stupid in the least bit– they are REAL.

    I’m glad you are taking care of and putting yourself first. Never ever forget I’m here for you

    Hope youre doing well darling <3

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