silly thursday

In Uncategorized on January 28, 2010 by Emily ( Tagged: , , ,

i think its clear i am suffering from blog layout indecision. no big.

so, it’s thursday and i don’t think i have anymore classes this week & i was the fool sitting in class waiting for it to start when it occurred to me to check the syllabus and see that class was cancelled for today and tomorrow. oops–it happens. now i’m just sitting in my apartment watching bobby flay grill some quail & figs, while he keeps explaining the fabulous-ness of it all.

speaking of figs, i did some unnecessary shopping yesterday. not complaining :)

i do not regret spending $8 on a hunk of soap. hello figs & leaves! i may regret that i impulsively bought lip balm at the register. they get me every time.

side note i’ve kind of been loving figs for a few weeks now. a month ago i thought i hated them.

a FIG! by the way my roommate thought it was cheesecake when she saw it in the bathroom...

you would not believe how good this stuff smells (actually you probably would believe it, haha). my friend thinks i’m going to end up eating it one day. i hope she’s wrong.

i also went to target, and its impossible to go in there and not buy anything so i didn’t even try to resist.

hot chili sauce. random, right? but it is delicious :)

& as you can see i’m trying to work with some natural lighting, since i’m a wee bit obsessed with my synergy photo.
synergy by the way is very delicious, it has a strong flavor & i can’t drink a whole one in one day, but it’s perfect for sipping on. i have plans to buy one once a week. i understand that’s a weird plan.

i tried something new this morning—> wake up yoga at 645am at the rec center. unfortunately i was pretty unbalanced…it was just me and one other person and i found it hard to focus on myself. my growling stomach was also distracting, silly me didn’t think i needed anything beforehand, definitely a mistake. when i left it was nice to see all the army boys working out :)

i also finished Madness, by Marya Hornbacher, the other night. i highly recommend it. i adore her writing and i can’t even begin to explain all she has been through in her life. i especially recommend it if you’ve read & enjoyed Wasted.

in a fit of major inspiration yesterday i took a risk. i took my spoon, dipped it into the cinnamon raisin swirl, scooped it up, and ate it. no measuring. i was a little surprised by the bit of anxiety it caused me, but the anxiousness passed and i went to bed. just like that. try it :) when was the last time you did something unexpected?

that’s about all of my updates, my dad’s picking me up tomorrow afternoon & my mom and i have plans to paint my bedroom this weekend. it’s going to be interesting.


“I relish my life. It is a life of which i am fiercely protective. I have wrested it back from madness, and madness cannot take it from me again. I will not throw it away. So what if it isn’t a normal life? It’s the one I have. It’s difficult, beautiful, painful, fully of laughter, passing strange. Whatever else it is, whatever it brings — it’s mine.”
Madness; Marya Hornbacher


23 Responses to “silly thursday”

  1. mmm, that soap sounds like it smells heavenly!

    have a good weekend at home :)

  2. Good for you for challenging yourself to dip your spoon in without measuring!! This is a baby step!! :) Keep pushing yourself in those little ways. Yes they will cause some anxiety, but you won’t get where you want to be without a little discomfort here and there. I’ve been standing up for myself in many different ways this week and that has been very unexpected and good for me! :)

  3. I seriously need to try Cinnamon Raisin Swirl! I just have too many open jars right now, lol. Again, so proud of you for dippin’ in!

    I just started reading Madness, and I love it already. MH is so expressive. Can’t wait to read more.

    That soap looks great!!
    Have an amazing paint filled weekend!

  4. Mmmm I do that with my cinnamon raisin swirl too- yum. Gotta say it took me a while to get back into nut butters- but now it’s not so scary anymore- just delish!

  5. that is awesome your class was cancelled though! haha. and that is kinda awkawrd w/ two peopl ein the class for yoga- oh well! good plan w/ the synergy :) haha. and yayy for takin a spoonful of cinnamon raisin swirl


  6. yay for spontaneous pb eating! i still have not tried the cinnamon raisin swirl and it sounds sooo good right now :( i just can’t find it anywhere. anyways, i hope you have a lovely weekend!

  7. EM! First off, you are so funny. I love reading your posts…seriously, the way you describe everything makes me laugh. Example, “i have plans to buy one once a week. i understand that’s a weird plan.” << LOL. I loveee you!

    Secondly, the fig soap looks beautiful. I love fresh figs !

    Lastly, Marya Hornbacher is THE BEST author, ever. I love Wasted and have read someeee of Madness. I should really finish it.

    <3 you. Have fun at home this weekend! Thinking of you always.

  8. That soup is sooo cool! I’m a sucker for those kind of things.


  9. whoa you finished madness pretty fast, didn’t you just get it? i like the new blog layout, cool! haha that rooster hot sauce, my fam uses it on vietnamese food all the time!

  10. i like this new layout:). thats so cool about your pb thing though! i did something like that yesterday too. i meansure everything but after dinner my mom had this chocolate toffe popcorn and i had like 2 handfuls with no idea of the calories! i didnt even get to anxious. :) it’s a great feeling isnt it??
    i really want to read this wasted book. what’s it about?

  11. 1. spectacular soap, but that’s a given…
    2. spoonful of peanut butter, well, all I can say is I’ve never been prouder. You did it! And you’re alive. And I’m fairly positive that it tasted pretty damn good ;) Next time you grab that cinnamon swirl, it will be that much less intimidating. stay with it! keep challenging yourself. You gotta!


  12. big big big hugs to you..big hugs
    i like your new layout
    funny about sitting in class…waiting….
    eat girl
    hope u have a good day tommorow…u deseve it

  13. That is suuuuch an amazing quote. But coming from MH I wouldn’t expect anything less. ;)
    You go for taking that spoonful of pb! I love the dumbfounded shocked feeling I get after doing something unexpected, like did I REALLY just do that?!
    Hope you have fun painting your room! What colors are you planning to use? I say you go crazy and put glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. I’ve wanted them since I was like five lol.


  14. I think I would feel a little odd washing myself with a dried piece of fruit… x) But I can imagine that is smells fabulous!

    CONGRATULATIONS on taking that unmeasured spoonful of PB. You deserve to feel so proud yourself ;) Isn’t it liberating to do something unexpected that ends up kicking ED in the ass?

    Have a fun time with your mama :) Room painting is fun x)

  15. good for you with the PB!!!!!!!! THATS AN AWESOME STEP. you should try to do it with one thing everyday because it will only get easier! i bought a baked potato at wendys this week(carbs are my biggest fear) and i ripped off the end and ate it!!!!!!!!!!! omg- i flipped a sh*^ in my head, hands shaky, the whole nine yards…and yes im alive to tell the tale. WAY TO GO!

    PS- nothing like starting your morning drooling army guys… ahhh

  16. Oh my gosh, looking back I cannot even believe I ever measured PB. I remember how anxious I was when I told my therapist I was gonna stop measuring out PB at breakfast (baby steps) but it’s so liberating to be able to get as much or little as you want. Sometimes I take a huge spoonful (or two) and other times, I put some back in the jar if I’ve taken more than I want. Funny how we have so little faith in our bodies…

    It’s spontaneous things like a dip into the PB jar or a random piece of chocolate that make us alive and free.

    Oh, and you should def. try the Archer Farms Cinnamon PB from Target – I actually like it better than PB&Co’s Cinnamon Raisin!

  17. Omg I completely thought that soap was some kind of a cake lol. Try your best not to take a nibble ;) I would definitely be tempted to.

    It’s been a while since I did something unexpected :( I’ve been trying for a long time now to break out of old habits, but it’s been surprisingly difficult… it seems like it’s easier to face my fear foods than it is to break out of routine. Bah! But I’m still working on it :)

    Hope you have a fabulous Friday, hun! <3

  18. hi emily :)

    i looove hot sauce! i’m really weird about condiments. i can eat spicy salsa, mustard/ketchup like… almost by themselves. lol

    i love eating peanut butter from the jar! ;p but i actually did do something like that that was potentially anxiety causing… i bought regular ShopRite brand creamy JIF PB with one of the ingredients on the list being (gasp) SUGAR. and i ate a sandwich with it & some Smucker’s jelly. and it was delish.

    happy thursday! <3

  19. i want that soap!!

    haha i went through blog layout indecision too, there’s so many to choose from!!


    inspired by you i started yoga, my dear. thought i should let you know :) i bought a dvd for $10 from borders, bargain!! :P

    xx love

  20. hey girlie! YES for pb. and cinnamon raisin? cant go wrong. good for you(; and im loving the new layout. its good to find the best one, dont worry. have a great friday xoxo soph

  21. GIRL. I just read you blog…as in I read EVERY SINGLE ENTRY YOU HAVE POSTED. I commend you for how far you have come, the realizations and maturity you have grown and the amazing support you have received from family and bloggers. From the pizza incident (my parents did the EXACT same thing when I told them I was going on a date) and the cheerleading/gymnastics I can relate to a lot of what you write.
    You are younger than me and yes, my ED developed and FLOURISHED in college (see my story for detail). I have old college notes with calories counts on them tallied as you showed earlier, I saw counselors at my school, however I went out every single night to drink(Bacardi) so I was constantly bombarded with “gain some weight” comments.

    I just want to say that you appear to have your head on straight and looking back as an older “been there” and felt the feelings you’re going through person, STICK IT OUT. You have got this recovery thing, whether you realize it or not and YOU WILL succeed because, what is your other option. You DO NOT I repeat DO NOT want to be where I am at 24 and still going through ED recovery, doctors appointments and making meal exchanges- TRUST ME. Use your instinct and your heart. It will guide you where you need to go. The body and mind are amazing things and when you realize YOU HAVE CONTROL is when recovery gets that much easier. When you realize that when you are 90 years old telling your grandchildren about your life and boring them to death you DO NOT was 10 years of experience in “recovery” to be included.

    What I found helpful was not making recovery and anorexia, or orthorexia, my identity. I will not allow myself to be identified by that which I do not want to be part of my life. I am NOT anorexia, I AM MALLORY, a compassionate, hard working and spontaneous outgoing, very random individual.

    I don’t have any sound advice as recovery is different for everyone, but not fighting the stalls, the comfort zones you reach(safe weights you stay at for months on end) and always forcing yourself to make the RIGHT moves makes it that much more rewarding when you start catching yourself living in the moment, enjoying the moment, listening instead of starring but wandering off in your own world, or even forgetting a snack because you know what, you had a big ol yummy breakfast and food DID NOT cross you mind until lunch when someone reminded you!

    Remind yourself much and often of what you want your future to look like. You want a job, a good one, where you don’t need to be thinking about the next meal all day. You want a husband and to be able to bear children (which requires sound recovery) who you can love and nourish. You want to travel and try different countries cuisines, classy foods you don’t need to exchange into a meal program, and you want to kick back with your hubby over a glass of wine and express how much you love him. {I am making up things you way want here…lol}

    You’re an amazing and beautiful woman I hope you realize that. Now that I have written you a firkin letter ill stop! PS- I LOVE YOU FUZZY BOOTS I have almost the exact same pair!

  22. Emily!!! I really love this layout!!! And I realized I read your post and never commented XD and I wanted you to know that I’ve been thinking of you!!!
    So that soap actually sounds amazing! I remember when I first discovered the awesomeness of natural soaps, my first experience with anything of the sort was burts bees (still love their stuff!) Hehe so I hope you enjoy it and it works as well as it smells! =D
    So proud of you, not measuring, shows your progress, and you overcame the anxiety!!! Good for you girl! The last time I did something unexpected, yesterday…well more what I didnt do then what I did do, hehe I got homework done went on a walk and spent the whole afternoon on with me, I had plannedto do some pilates but I was so tired I went to bed at like 9….and now i feel so refreshed and ready to face today! <3
    Hope your bedroom turned out well! Cant wait to see pix! Have a good week! <3 <3

  23. Hey, we just came across your blog and loved it. We would really like to send you a complimentary case of Vita Coco. Let us know if you’re interested. Please e-mail us at if you’re interested. We look forward to hearing from you.

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