embrace it.

In Uncategorized on February 18, 2010 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , ,

i’m embracing attitude now  a days. just because i can. today i’ve had my standard pot of black coffee with breakfast. a half an hour ago i stepped into starbucks and ordered a venti americano, since no one’s stopping me.

i’m still rocking yoga pants & slippers to class. since i like to stay classy.

i go stir crazy in my apartment and always take the long way across campus. i tell myself that it’s okay not to do yoga everyday and i still get anxious when i don’t do it wednesdays and fridays. i tell myself that two days with mini walks won’t kill me or make me blow up like a balloon but my mind begs to differ.

i contemplate, analyze, and overthink. i think it’s okay that i’m on the verge of crazy. isn’t everyone?

i thought about giving up measuring for lent but i decided i didn’t want to put myself through the torment. especially since i never practice my catholic heritage.

i was just taken back to my early gymnastics days. i saw the logo of my club, a good looking man was carrying the duffle. i realized there was no way i could have said anything to him about it because i never moved past compulsory when i was there. and i realized i stopped practicing there seven years ago. i often forget the fact that i wasn’t content even then.

i live in the past, the way things used to be, the way i used to be, the way other’s used to be. everything changes. i’ve changed, they’ve changed, things changed. life never stops.

i’m idealistic, but i’m convinced i will never reach my ideals. i feel as though i have never reached my potential. but i have no idea what my potential is.

i forget that i am unique. but i also forget that i can relate to others.

i learned on tuesday that i am capable of painting my nails myself. sound strange? yes i believed if i painted my own nails they would look awful. so i always pay to have them done. i’m not bad at painting nails. it is calming. but i hate waiting for them to dry. it makes me antsy.

i cannot pinpoint my largest fear. sometimes i think i just afraid of life. i’m afraid of being hurt by anyone other than myself. i’m afraid of being alone.

i am glad that i don’t feel the need to push the way i eat onto other people. i’m glad i don’t constantly tell people how much better organic apples taste versus regular apples. i eat regular apples and i love them. hell my perfect apple would be grown on my own apple tree. i’m possessive.

i want to have dinner parties, complete with wine, fancy cheese, seven courses, & opera cream coffee with dessert. it will probably never happen. & i will compare all the dinner parties i go to, to this party i have created in my head, and it’s very likely nothing will ever live up to it.
i’m not lying when i say that when i went on a cruise i expected it to be like the titanic.

i feel the need to complicate simple things to challenge myself and ultimately fail.

but i’m trying to embrace my attitude. i can do anything. i can say anything. i can be anything. so can you.

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” — Buddha


21 Responses to “embrace it.”

  1. Embrace attitude. Embrace yourself. EMbrace food hon.
    Hey, that is all I do: short walk per day…nada else….you would survive :)

  2. That is a crazy cool quote, and I think it’s cool you’re learning to embrace your attitude.

  3. i love this post! hey you can have those 7 course dinners if you want to :). and i wear yoga pants nonstop too (yet i quit doing yoga like a year ago lol!)

  4. You should totally have that dinner party!! I have a feeling that as long as you surround yourself with your favorite people, it will be BETTER than what you have in your head! :)

  5. emilyy! hey girl thank you so much for your support when i really needed it the other day with my grandpa :) things look so much brighter now and im back with a smile thanks to you! this post was so great. you are so unique and beautiful and you can do whatever your heart desires! embrace your life ♥ xoxo soph

  6. Two days without yoga WILL NOT make you blow up like a balloon! Logically, it’s impossible. Just remember that. I know that’s easier said than done though as I should probably be taking my own advice, ha. :)

    You can do ANYTHING, Emily. Anything you want to. Have that dinner party some day if you really want to! Nothing is stopping you.

    ~ Catherine

  7. everything about this post made me smile and think. I love it. I’m so happy for you and this new attitude. keep on trucking, girl. you deserve all the happiness in the world, and it looks like you are on your way there..doing what YOU want to do. anything and everything.


  8. relate. to every. single word. 100%. (as always).

    i have unrealistic expectations about everything and anything, for myself and for others, for the world and for life. because they are so idealistic and unrealistic, i am perpetually disappointed. always dissatisfied. not..good…not good at all.


  9. so true girl. we are SO hard on ourselves..we really dont need to be at ALL..there are too many adventures waiting for us in this world. LOVE YOU

  10. It’s the little things like this that we do to try and sort out who we are that makes us unique… You are a truly beautiful individual Emily! Attitude, yoga pants, regular apples and all ;)

    You are so right – we are all crazy, so I guess that makes crazy the new normal ? Hehe..

    Love you girl.. keep up the amazing work, and I am sure you will get some clarity sooner than later :)

  11. Emily, this is absolutely beautiful and honest.
    You are such a unique individual, and you deserve the little and big things in life! heck throw a dinner party, maybe it wont be has huge as the one you have plaaned, but throw it and enjoy the company of others, and enjoy them enjoying their time with you!! Have a wonderful day girl!! <3 <3 <3

  12. I needed this post especially after today. Once again he hit it right on. You have such a way with words. If you have that dinner party, can I be invited?

  13. Aww hun this was a beautiful post.; so genuine and honest. I can relate to so much of what you said… overthinking, living in the past, being afraid of life, complicating everything… I’m trying to let myself just be, while at the same time learning to love and accept myself for who I am.

    Love you, girl. Fight hard to embrace the kind of life you want because you do deserve it.

  14. such an honest and beautiful post, emily. You truly can do everything and maybe you hsould sit down and write down some goals that are attainable. Even if they are tiny goals, like eating an extra snack or eating a fear food once a week. You can do anything! I think a lot of us can relate to the fear of being alone.


  15. my favorites from this post:

    “i go stir crazy in my apartment and always take the long way across campus.”
    “i often forget the fact that i wasn’t content even then.”
    “i live in the past, the way things used to be, the way i used to be, the way other’s used to be. ”
    “i forget that i am unique. but i also forget that i can relate to others.”
    “i feel the need to complicate simple things to challenge myself and ultimately fail.”

    i very much relate to this post, to you. <3

  16. Great post! Totally, 100% relate to it. Such a cute blog written by an amazing soul!! Keep pushing along…embrace YOU!

  17. i can’t even tell you how much i relate to this entire post. i overthink every.single.thing in my life. i am always analyzing. i’m terrified of being alone, yet i am tempted to isolate myself. i imagine the way i want things to be, i think about the way things were, but i find it the hardest thing to simply be in the present and accept where i am. i know exactly what you mean, every word.

    i also don’t think anyone really knows their potential. the only way we can discover that is to try – and sometimes, probably, fail. the scariest part is getting out of our heads and into the real world. i’ve done it more and more these past few months, and i know that it is worth it. i’m learning how to change, and even though it involves pushing myself beyond where i want to go, it’s ok. it’s teaching me how to have realistic expectations, how even though i might have bigger dreams or thoughts or comparisons, what i do have isn’t so bad.

  18. I love this post–I’m sorry I just saw it now! You are unique, wonderful, worthy, and powerful. I relate to this post so much and embrace your positive, attitude.
    Tell yourself your mantra at the end about saying, being, thinking, and embracing anything that is amazing about you.

  19. Just came back to blogging. Just found your blog.

    You have a gift, my friend.

    I also used to be a gymnast :)

  20. I hope everything is going well for you, girl <3 <3

  21. I understand completely what you’ve said here… Realizing that you can paint your own nails CAN be a revelation! Sometimes we are so afraid of failure that we don’t even try, and in this way we limit ourselves and our very lives.

    Stay strong, and keep writing!

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