Posts Tagged ‘affirmations’

Articles

happy day

In Uncategorized on January 23, 2010 by Emily (https://funnyemily.wordpress.com) Tagged: , , , , ,

happy saturday loves. i’m determined to make today a happy saturday :)

well let me start by showing you what i received in the mail yesterday. the most beautiful devan sent me a glorious package!!

thank you so so much devan, al things i have never ever tried before!!

chocolate shall return to my life :)

MIGHTY MAPLE! oh my gawwd. devan i cannot thank you enough!

you best believe i put these to good use with breakfast this morning :) my tummy is so happy right now!

no better way to try a new pb & i used a honey stick. YUM!

oh my goodness mighty maple did not disappoint, you guys were not kidding. & devan you’re right, my life has change. there is no doubt if i ever see a jar i am buying with no hesitation. devan you’re amazing :)

so my morning has begun swimmingly. how was my last night?
well, last night:: i went to chipotle with some friends (vegetarian bowl with some rice!! & guac, success), saw zombie land [which i surprisingly didn’t hate], back to the apartments, had a bit to drank + diet coke (who is this girl?!), visited another friend, called my best friend at 2am & chatted for an hour, fell asleep. i don’t know about you, but it seems to be a pretty successful night to me.

sure there were a few snaffoos, like when everyone was finished eating at chipotle and since i eat like a turtle i still had more than half my bowl left, but since everyone was finished i stopped. which meant i was hurting with hunger by the time the movie was over. which definitely caused a bit of a panic…i remedied it though by running back to my apartment and getting some cereal & an apple.

tonight has the potential of being just like last night, which unfortunately is causing me a bit of panic…i don’t really like to drink two nights in a row. not that i ever really drink a lot, & it’s probably an Ed thing, cause i really have nothing against drinking, i like it (minus beer) & i usually end up having a good time. now i know i could just hang out and not drink, but tonight is a bigger deal than last night so i would feel awkward not drinking. dilemma…how do you guys deal with the drink-ity drink stuff??

&& i would like to remind you all that today is NATIONAL YOGA DAY! check out what miss amy has to say about it :)

i’m wearing this gem in honor for sure–>

love this shirt

now it’s just a matter of getting dressed. ha

major love!

may i be free from hostility, free from affliction, free from distress. may i live happily.

Articles

2009

In Uncategorized on December 31, 2009 by Emily (https://funnyemily.wordpress.com) Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,

here we go. its time to look at 2009. i’ll warn you, it’s not going to be pretty. if i had to describe this year in 3 words: unhappy, eating, disorder.

sometimes i look at my journal, usually to see how stupid i was, or how i attempted to write out my feelings. it serves as an indulgence, i think i’m indulging in self-centered-ness. but i think this is the first time i have been scared to look at my journal. why? well for one nearly everything scares me at least a little bit these days, and that i’m not just going to ignore the words.

January: new years felt like a binge-cookies, dip, sugary alcohol, 4 of us just sitting around. i beat myself up for that. i was still heavy at that point, but i was vegetarian. my journal: “i love being vegetarian. it makes me something. i am vegetarian. i am skinnier too. it sort of rocks a lot. a lot. a lot.” everyone i knew, knew that i was vegetarian. i told everyone, looking back i must have sounded like fool. & i visited the nutritionist, she recommended i visit CAPS. i think i was flattered in a way, but i ignored her, i was still heavy.

February: valentine’s day stands out for me. i called my sister to wish her a happy birthday and ended up balling desperately asking my mom to pick me up so i didn’t have to spend the day alone at school. but, that wasn’t an option so i spent most of the day at starbucks. i told myself that i could accept who i was and how my body was. i was alone, and i felt it. i think i nearly binged on oatmeal raisin cookies the next day which caused me to flip out. i decided the next week “i can be a vegetarian runner in business”

March: i don’t remember march. nothing specific happened, i think i spent a lot of time running, doing 8-minute abs, researching diets, searching calories and nutrition facts. i avoided going out, i was full of excuses. i did go down to south caroline to visit my friend on spring break, i had a good time but as soon as they ordered chocolate cake i bitched out, there was no way on earth i was having a bite.

April: more of march’s doings, had a mini breakdown walking home from going out to eat. i started making plans on what i was going to do differently, while trying to accept that this was my life. little 500 happened (the greatest college weekend) thank god i ran into 2 of my friends outside, because i spent the weekend with them. at one drunk point i considered out loud that i might have an eating disorder. but there was little discussion about it, so i just ignored it.

May: my birthday, hell. during finals week. i treated myself to starbucks oatmeal for breakfast, i really wanted just to spend the day there. but i was demanded to come back to my dorm to have lunch with my “friends” in the dining hall, they thought it was really special that we all got to eat the shit food together. i was not amused. at one point they joked about getting me a cake, but they knew i wouldn’t eat it, and i decided even if they thought i would eat the cake they would have never gotten it for me. i did bake myself a cake when i got home from school, strawberry with cream cheese frosting. i had a small slice.
i also started work in an office. in my mind i was sitting on my butt all day. i thought every night i needed to be at the gym to make up for sitting at work.

June: more work. but it was getting harder for me to actually work out, time was slipping away and i was tired, so i got pissed. i did cut down, but i also started finding any reason i could to take walks at work, i found stairs to walk up, i researched more diet information. (by this point i was eating meat again).
i took a road trip with my two oldest friends. i was miserable, and was beginning to realize that i didn’t think like other people, that i cared about different things. i fell down the stairs and had another breakdown.

July: i ran the hyde park blast (4 miles) sure i walked more than i wanted to, but i ran most of it. the last few hundred yards my chest was dying. i couldn’t even manage to find anything at the blast worth eating after the race. still working about 35 hour weeks. i did become enthralled with yoga :)

August: my mom and i talked about how i needed to change, and how she was scared for me to go back to school. i tried out some therapy, but this woman convinced me i was fine, i just had some perfectionist issues.
then i went back to school. i had the most desperate night of my life. i called my mom and told her to pick me up, i didn’t want to do school at indiana, i needed to be home, i couldn’t be there. i spent hours sobbing, begging my mom and dad to pick me up. they told me i could do this, it would make me stronger. i think i cried for 2 days, i just hurt.

September: i realized i could get plenty of exercise walking around campus, i walked everywhere and always took the stairs, even the 10 flights up to my room. i think i went out once, and the night didn’t end well. [which puts my number of times going out for the semester to be 2]

October: decided to transfer officially. started to blog (i think).

November: thanksgiving, prepared to leave. did my school work. attempted to entertain myself, fighting between the conflict of wanting to hang out with people, while telling myself that i had lost the ability to relate to people, telling myself that no one would want to hang out with me, and that i couldn’t face the anxiety of hanging out with other people.

December: went to CAPS.

so that was my year. and its been all about me in my head. what i’ve done, what others have done to me. what i did wrong, what i’ve chosen to eat and not eat, how i’m unhappy. sure this year wasn’t easy, i faced a lot of things i had never faced before. i was rejected from some clubs, i was without a best friend at school. my life had changed. and all i saw was that i had gained weight in the first semester and i was going to loose it to bring things back to normal. i put every ounce of this on myself. and though i’ve tampered with the idea of “getting better” i’ve wanted to do it under the condition of staying thin. {i’m short, i should be thin <–one of Ed’s fiercest weapons, i often remember that i was heavy, Ed has so much pride in the fact that i have actually lost weight since january}.
i spent the first half of the year getting thin, and the rest of the year desperately trying to stay that way, the meanwhile isolating and berating myself. Ed made me a little bubble, a bubble i’ve been expecting and waiting for someone else to pop.

i have yet to trust that i am enough.

this year i am starting at a new school. in a new apartment. with new roommates. new classes. new people. sure, i’m scared shitless. but i can be happy. you can be happy. because: WE ARE ALL ENOUGH.

this year i am planning to embrace the fact that i have the ability to be human. as tonight i am going to a party, i have no idea what the night will bring, all i know is that i have some wine and old friends.

care to join me?

“Life is too important to be taken seriously.” — Oscar Wilde

Articles

gobble gobble

In Uncategorized on November 26, 2009 by Emily (https://funnyemily.wordpress.com) Tagged: , ,

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! hope everyone is having a relaxing day with friends & family :)

i’m currently skipping out on thanksgiving with family #1 (dad’s side) we decided that i needed to rest after the race this morning and that i could just meet them at family #2 (my grandma’s) it’s definitely one less stress i have to deal with, and for that i am thankful.

so yes the race :) my mom and i walked and the weather was surprisingly bearable. it was soo crowded, they said around 15,000 people finished…my mom and i did the 10K in 1:33-ish, 2 minutes faster than last year, score!

post race! most comfy shirt ever (& i think the mcD hat is funny)

my dad being an overachiever & runner finished in like 43 minutes, giving him a chance to grab me all kinds of free things :)

race loot! omg can't wait till i can eat these :)

he knows me so well :)

as for these past three sedentary days…they have been okay, yesterday night i felt pretty crummy which sucked and i have not enjoyed my lack of yoga (i never realized how good it actually makes me feel, ah i miss it so much!) i’ve been feasting on soft foods–

finally made a green monster right :) it was jungle-y -->spinach, frozen banana, milk, & pb

but alas all these soft & liquid-y foods have left me feeling full & huge, ugh it’s been uncomfortable, especially because i haven’t really done much in the way of exercising because i am just so tired (well and my mouth hurts). my tummy just feels liquid-logged ick. that being said i know i need to get back on track with my eats, i decided that i probably didn’t need to eat as much as i usually do since i was just sitting around, but now that i am feeling better i need to eat more. enter thanksgiving.

yes i like thanksgiving and spending time with my family, but i also know that i have comments coming my way (not just about my size, but the fact that i am transferring as well). i am going in with a plan of what i need to eat and the strength to ignore my dear family, they will say what they want to say but i will not let it affect me. that is the plan.

speaking of thanksgiving i better get my butt out the door or i am going to be late…love you beauties!

i shall leave you with one of my favorite affirmations :)

“I will not wait to have a good day. I will make one.”

Articles

yoga revelation

In Uncategorized on November 9, 2009 by Emily (https://funnyemily.wordpress.com) Tagged: , , , , ,

hello! hello!

let me start off by saying i feel like i did a lot of thinking today. some of the thinking was good, while some of the thinking was not so good.

for one thing i have been confused today at why in the world i am not scrambling over homework…i have racked my brain quite a few times but i seem to have done all i can do for now. weird, so not normal. and hell no i am not complaining :)

&& totally distracted by gossip girl–vanessa, dan, & hilary duff; threesome? what is going on??

i also was tragically mistaken this afternoon, you see i thought i made a appointment to get the h1n1 vaccine this afternoon. so i went over to assembly hall to get the shot. well, when i walked in there was no one there. i asked a random person, the janitor who said no one had been there all day. i walked around the building, went into a different door. then i finally gave up and went to class. nearly convinced that i was now going to die of swine flu.

oink!

buttt you see my appointment was not for this afternoon, my appointment is for the afternoon of the first day that they start administering the vaccine. they don’t even have it yet. haha maybe next time i will read the things i sign up for a little closer.

oh & i should warn you i am picture-less. i decided that i didn’t want to take the effort to be a paparazzi to my eats today. sorry!

————————————————————————————————————————————————–

now in an attempt to bring some meaning to this post ;) i shall elaborate on my thoughts.

during stats i had the urge to do yoga (that’s nothing new i always want to do yoga) but i was actually craving the 25 minute power yoga #4 – donation yogadownload class. this class begins with a short meditation about Metta, or universal love. you are encouraged to repeat that you are free of hostility, free of infliction, its really wonderful to hear & meditate on. i highly suggest this class if you haven’t tried it, i felt so good during & after.

this got me thinking about what it is that i really want to change about myself. and i become slightly troubled, because i don’t know what i want, i have so many different voices swirling in my head.

what i know for sure is:

  • i want to be happy
  • i want to be comfortable as myself
  • i want to experience love

i know these are all good things and the majority of the human world wants them too. but to me these things are so huge that they seem somewhat unattainable and impossibly terrifying. i sometimes jump to thinking about the “then what?” so say one day i find that i am happy, then what?

this is where i realized that i have no reason what so ever to be thinking about the then what. i have not even achieved these things yet, and there is plenty of work i need to still do. if these are the things that i know i want then i shouldn’t need to ask “then what” right?

that is when it hit me. TRUST. i am skeptical and i don’t trust the power of simple happiness. i seem to think that it won’t be enough for me. but who am i to think i need more? why do i seem to think that happiness is not good enough for me? or is it just that i don’t think happiness is possible? ugh such a scramble.

then i thought of a wonderful affirmation.

THERE IS NO GLORY IN BEING UNHAPPY.

unhappy people are no better than happy people. suffering does not make someone more important or worth while. rebecca reminded me of this on one of here comments, “yet I really can’t explain why.. Sometimes I guess I just enjoy the company of my own misery” <–this is how i have been living my life, just me and my misery, at least i always had my misery. i’m delusional. i want to stop being concerned about what everyone around me is doing, it’s time to stand on my own two feet. i’m not quite sure about how i am going to do this but i’m pretty sure that’s a part of it.

now i am taking a big, deep yoga breath. i now have a step to take. i plan to take it. it involves no regrets. it involves living. please join me, i’m convinced it will be fun :)

thank you beautiful people of blog world for being here, you all help me more than you know. i hope you all continue to follow this unpredictable journey :)

Photo 101

please laugh, pretty please :)

Articles

just another average day

In Uncategorized on November 7, 2009 by Emily (https://funnyemily.wordpress.com) Tagged: , , , , , ,

hola mucha bonitas. no i don’t take spanish :)

feeling nostalgic—watching “according to jim” takes me back to middle school days, i’ve always found silly shows like this so relaxing & very funny.

yesterday was pretty blahh, had a group meeting, went to the mall, chilled, etc.

totally went to the mall for some new business casual wear, came out with jeans (made me a little anxious, but i think i handled it), clif, luna, & mojo bars….fail.

whatever my breakfast rocked, & i even tried to make it pretty for y’all.

DSCN1328

van's berry waffles & pb & bananaaa

i packed my lunch since my group likes to meet when i like to meet, i felt like i a total foodie :)

DSCN1329

crunchyy pb & jelly & pure pumpkin! & cinnamon. wow

there is no doubt that i will be making this again, super simple & super delicious!

so i found myself feeling sorry for myself yet again this morning. damn it! i was talking to my mom and she asked me what i did last night and i told her a that i did a whole lot of nothing, sighing during the process. my mom reminded me that i have to put myself out there, and that i have said myself that i know that i put up walls to keep people out. then i realized it, i know that i have been avoiding putting myself out there & using it as a reason to be a whiney baby.

so i said to myself, “self, get over yourself, you have the power to get yourself out of this rut.”

& in response to that i texted 3 of my friends, & at the moment i have tentative plans to see 10 minute student play tonight. it was easy, it didn’t kill me, no one texted back to say that they didn’t want to be around me.

so moral of the story, isolating yourself may be easy & safe, but putting yourself out there is not that hard and don’t worry i’ll be back to confirm that it is way more FUN.

this morning i rocked the 45 minute hot power fusion yogadownload class; its been a while since i’ve done more than 25 minutes of yoga–this felt very good.

i also participated in an experiment for an econ grad student & made BANK! i don’t think i’m allowed to share how much, not that it really matters, but it totally makes my jeans free :)

now that i’ve sufficiently bored you ;) let me leave you with happy & healthy things…

1. Your body is extraordinary–begin to respect and appreciate it.

2. Create a list of all the things your body lets you do. Read it and add to it often.

3. Become aware of what your body can do each day. Remember it is the instrument of your life, not just an ornament.

4. Create a list of people you admire: people who have contributed to your life, your community, or the world. Consider whether their appearance was important to their success and accomplishments.

5. Walk with your head held high, supported by pride and confidence in yourself as a person.

6. Don’t let your weight or shape keep you from activities that you enjoy.

7. Wear comfortable clothes that you like and that feel good to your body.

8. Count your blessings, not your blemishes.

9. Think about all the things you could accomplish with the time and energy you currently spend worrying about your body and appearance. Try one!

10. Be your body’s friend and supporter, not its enemy.

11. Consider this: your skin replaces itself once a month, your stomach lining every five days, your liver every six weeks, and your skeleton every three months.

12. Every morning when you wake up, thank your body for resting and rejuvenating itself so you can enjoy the day.

13. Every evening when you go to bed, tell your body how much you appreciate what it has allowed you to do throughout the day.

14. Find a method of exercise that you enjoy and do it regularly. Don’t exercise to lose weight or to fight your body. Do it to make your body healthy and strong and because it makes you feel good.

15. Think back to a time in your life when you felt good about your body. Tell yourself you can feel like that again, even in this body at this age.

16. Keep a list of 10 positive things about yourself–without mentioning your appearance. Add to it!

17. Put a sign on each of your mirrors saying, “I’m beautiful inside and out.”

18. Choose to find the beauty in the world and in yourself.

19. Start saying to yourself, “Life is too short to waste my time hating my body this way.”

20. Eat when you are hungry. Rest when you are tired. Surround yourself with people that remind you of your inner strength and beauty.

i find this list helpful and i challenge everyone to start putting these ideas into practice. i plan to start with one then keep adding. we all need to remember that we are strong & beautiful.

how will you appreciate yourself in the days to come?

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modified oats in a jar! sub-ing cheerios for oats ;)