Posts Tagged ‘goals’


yoga revelation

In Uncategorized on November 9, 2009 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , , ,

hello! hello!

let me start off by saying i feel like i did a lot of thinking today. some of the thinking was good, while some of the thinking was not so good.

for one thing i have been confused today at why in the world i am not scrambling over homework…i have racked my brain quite a few times but i seem to have done all i can do for now. weird, so not normal. and hell no i am not complaining :)

&& totally distracted by gossip girl–vanessa, dan, & hilary duff; threesome? what is going on??

i also was tragically mistaken this afternoon, you see i thought i made a appointment to get the h1n1 vaccine this afternoon. so i went over to assembly hall to get the shot. well, when i walked in there was no one there. i asked a random person, the janitor who said no one had been there all day. i walked around the building, went into a different door. then i finally gave up and went to class. nearly convinced that i was now going to die of swine flu.


buttt you see my appointment was not for this afternoon, my appointment is for the afternoon of the first day that they start administering the vaccine. they don’t even have it yet. haha maybe next time i will read the things i sign up for a little closer.

oh & i should warn you i am picture-less. i decided that i didn’t want to take the effort to be a paparazzi to my eats today. sorry!


now in an attempt to bring some meaning to this post ;) i shall elaborate on my thoughts.

during stats i had the urge to do yoga (that’s nothing new i always want to do yoga) but i was actually craving the 25 minute power yoga #4 – donation yogadownload class. this class begins with a short meditation about Metta, or universal love. you are encouraged to repeat that you are free of hostility, free of infliction, its really wonderful to hear & meditate on. i highly suggest this class if you haven’t tried it, i felt so good during & after.

this got me thinking about what it is that i really want to change about myself. and i become slightly troubled, because i don’t know what i want, i have so many different voices swirling in my head.

what i know for sure is:

  • i want to be happy
  • i want to be comfortable as myself
  • i want to experience love

i know these are all good things and the majority of the human world wants them too. but to me these things are so huge that they seem somewhat unattainable and impossibly terrifying. i sometimes jump to thinking about the “then what?” so say one day i find that i am happy, then what?

this is where i realized that i have no reason what so ever to be thinking about the then what. i have not even achieved these things yet, and there is plenty of work i need to still do. if these are the things that i know i want then i shouldn’t need to ask “then what” right?

that is when it hit me. TRUST. i am skeptical and i don’t trust the power of simple happiness. i seem to think that it won’t be enough for me. but who am i to think i need more? why do i seem to think that happiness is not good enough for me? or is it just that i don’t think happiness is possible? ugh such a scramble.

then i thought of a wonderful affirmation.


unhappy people are no better than happy people. suffering does not make someone more important or worth while. rebecca reminded me of this on one of here comments, “yet I really can’t explain why.. Sometimes I guess I just enjoy the company of my own misery” <–this is how i have been living my life, just me and my misery, at least i always had my misery. i’m delusional. i want to stop being concerned about what everyone around me is doing, it’s time to stand on my own two feet. i’m not quite sure about how i am going to do this but i’m pretty sure that’s a part of it.

now i am taking a big, deep yoga breath. i now have a step to take. i plan to take it. it involves no regrets. it involves living. please join me, i’m convinced it will be fun :)

thank you beautiful people of blog world for being here, you all help me more than you know. i hope you all continue to follow this unpredictable journey :)

Photo 101

please laugh, pretty please :)



wrapping up the weekend

In Uncategorized on November 8, 2009 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , , ,

good evening lovelies! i am happy to report that last night was a success. i went to see a university players production, they put on a series of 10 minute student plays. (the room was packed & we had to sit on the floor, boy did my bottom hurt!!) there was one about avoiding reality, one about cannibalism, one about the thought process of college guys. pretty interesting, everyone was very good.

even though we only stayed for the first half, i’m glad i went. i had a nice time with a friend and wore an actual outfit ;)


since it was warm i finally got to wear my cute kensie sweater :) + new jeans

after the play i did my laundry, almost fell asleep in the middle, & had a strange encounter with some drunk guys on the elevator:

drunk guys: “heyyy, how are you doing?” giggle giggle.

me: “i’m fineee.”

drunk guys: “oh, she’s meann…” all look at each other

me: “yep, i’m a bitch.”

drunk guys: jaws on the floor…”sorry?”

haha i really got a good chuckle out of that. & i totally took it as a step forward to finding my confidence. a month of go i would have stayed silent and waited dreadfully for the elevator ride to end. instead i decided to amuse myself by confusing the poor drunk boys.

oh earlier this week i was feeling creative so i spiced veggie-d up some chicken noodle soup :)


chicken noodle soup base + steamed mushrooms, broccoli, red peppers, peas, chickpeas, & the stunner--SWISS

you see i like to have soup for dinner because its easy & its tasty. but i also know it is not the most substantial of meals, so i’ve started bulking it up with more veggies & swiss. i have not regretted it one bit :)

also, yesterday i was quite excited to see that our c-store has stocked up on some of awesome eats. since i am running out of meal points i bought as little as i could but these were calling my name–


yum yum nice & crunchy, i suggest you buy them :)

they also have zevia root beer, banana nut larabars, nuts over chocolate lunas, multiple cliffs, amy’s soups, & more. why are they just now (when i have to budget my meal points) getting these fantastic eats??


hmm how did this get in here? haha oatmeal chocolate chip yumm

but you know even after my c-store purchases, i still felt the need to go to the grocery today…not the most exciting purchases, but the essentials.

i’m so glad you guys liked my happy & healthy list :) it’s so great to hear that everyone is going to try them out!

i’m going to start this week with a goal in mind–

12. Every morning when you wake up, thank your body for resting and rejuvenating itself so you can enjoy the day.

i have found myself resenting waking up lately. i get angry because i wake up “too early”, especially weekends. i’ve seemed to create an ideal that i should be up late on weekends, but my body kind of works like clockwork and generally wake up and go to bed around the same time every night. that’s a good thing right? to some, but i’m a college student and things get done during the night. there are parties during the night. i miss these parties because i fall asleep, i.e i don’t go out because i know that i need to get to bed. i also worry that i will eat to much if i’m up to late. this is all irrational ramblings, ugh i’m just trying to sort it out. long story short, i plan to thank my body for resting every morning when i wake up.

ps–this is the coffee i am am currently enjoying in the morning time, it’s the special blend :)


tastes exactly how coffee should, just brew & add milk; makes for a happy morning :)

hmm i have found this post to be quite random…and i think i will end it that way. i totally had dinner with two friends tonight at the food court. score ;)

do you have any goals for the week? what are you looking forward to right at this moment?

right at this moment i am looking forward to sitting in my family room with my family, ahh going home for thanksgiving in 11 10 days!

What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind.



In Uncategorized on November 5, 2009 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , , , ,

i’m so glad i decided to blog. you all are so wonderful, and i very grateful to now have you all in my life. thank you from the bottom of my heart.

i have been feeling more positive since my last post, it’s been up and down. i am happy to report that i bought myself a book yesterday (i’m reading what i want, screw school, okay that’s a bit dramatic i think i have the time)


probably just because amy & rebecca like it so much ;)

i started it last night, and i can hardly put it down, i read more this morning before i even got out of bed :)

i think i have figured out a way to describe how i have been feeling in the world lately, small. not really physically small, but in terms of necessity. it’s a feeling of insignificance. and for me i have always believed that i can only be important if other people think i am important. <–that right there is a big problem, i let other’s dictate me. i want to change this, i want to be enough as i am. i am enough. we are all enough.

reality is a fuzzy thing for me. i have the tendency to decide certain things aren’t possible in my reality [i can’t say hi to him, we can’t really be friends, etc.] essentially i’m putting myself into a box, setting up boundaries. honestly it’s no wonder making friends is hard for me, a part of me doesn’t think it’s possible. that part of me is what Ed feeds on. he helps to create the expectations that are impossible for people to live up to, he creates scenarios that will never happen and will always leave me disappointed. i am going to work on this, i think practicing mindfulness with help me with this.

ah i’ll let go of the heavy stuff and move on to the yummy stuff :)


pb & j, banana, oats, & cinnamon puffins = sheer bliss

no shame in this breakfast 2 days in a row, its a winner!


i won me some zevia from the lovely kristi’s giveaway a few weeks ago. i’ve never really been much of a pop drinker but i really appreciated the fizzy-ness! it tasted just like i remember pop tasting and i would highly recommend it. i am quite excited to try the other flavors!

other than that jazz, i went out to dinner with a somewhat estranged friend last night. i told her i was transferring & then i got annoyed because she kept saying how she was sorry about it and aw emily, blah blah. i had to keep telling her that there was no reason for her to be sorry, there is nothing to be sorry for and there is no reason for her to feel bad. but whatever.

we went to panera & that was good, but it was kind of peeve-ish how they are now posting calories on the menu board. but i just have to remember they are just calories, that’s all.

so it’s totally dinner time right now…hmm what to make in the oh so wonderful microwave! haha :)

i hope everyone has a lovely night!

&& ps—i’m totally loving rebecca’s idea of a bloggy book club! how shall we arrange it?

and do you ever talk about food with people who don’t exactly know that you are struggling? (if that makes sense)

i don’t really talk to people about foods i like…or really the fact that i like to eat healthy (i used to) i share things with my mom, but i guess i think i don’t like normal foods so i shouldn’t talk about it….huh i make no sense.

“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” –Mahatma Gandhi



In Uncategorized on November 2, 2009 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , , ,

happy monday everyone (oxymoron, right?)

i think i turned into a 50 year old woman over night because i woke up an hour early burning up! it was like i was on fire all morning, very strange because i am usually cold at average temperatures. my mom was thinking that maybe my hormones are changing it up a bit, because i don’t think i’m getting sick. has this happened to anyone else? “hot flashes”?

anyway, my banana in my oats was super ripe!


he may be ugly on the outside, but he was super sweet on the inside :)

well in regards to the title of my post i had spent sometime thinking this morning (one of my morning classes was cancelled since we had a test yesterday afternoon). i committed myself to gaining, i’ve been letting Ed convince me that maintaining was fine. but i realized that my efforts to “maintain” stress me the hell out, i worry about getting to much of any one food group and ignore my desires and hunger cues. i eat enough, but never “too much”. but right now at this moment in my life i can’t really eat to much and i would feel better if i ate more. so that is what i am going to do. and i am going to fight Ed and his voice that tells me that i am wrong. Ed can go fly an eff-ing kite.

the stress of the past few weeks has deterred me from recovery. i was looking over my earlier posts and they really helped to re-motivate me. i want to be here and now. i want to be free.

&& what do you know i made it out to the grocery today, purchasing highlights–

  • real swiss cheese
  • oatmeal chocolate chip cookies (big plans for my oats tomorrow!)

good old swiss made it into my dinner:


mini freak out moment…the swiss cheese is huge, just the way it is sliced it’s the biggest slice of cheese i’ve ever seen. Ed told me only to put half on my toast, i chose to ignore him and eat the entire slice, win!

i hope everyone had a wonderful day and is realizing the importance of committing to yourself and your needs. its your life and you should be the only one living it, don’t let Ed live it for you.

at the moment my week looks to have minimal stress, YAY! && thanksgiving break is only 17 days away, i cannot wait!

sleep tight lovelies :)

pear alert ♥


a match made in heaven ;)

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.


working on me

In Uncategorized on October 22, 2009 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , , ,

Today had some wonderful parts. [ps miss pb&jenny is hosting an awesome fiber1 muffin giveaway]

1) I have the BEST mom in the whole wide world. I’m sure all of y’alls (wow, I can’t even pull that off online) moms are great, but I love mine the most. Look what she sent me



Did i mention that I love my mom?

No, your eyes weren't deceiving you, there are like 18 larabars there

No, your eyes weren't deceiving you, there are like 18 larabars there

You see the other night I sent my mom an email with a photo of a box of mini larabars that I couldn’t get at school because it said they were only available at Whole Foods & since we have one right up the street at home I figured I’d let my mom know that she could buy them to me if she wanted. She, being the awesome woman that she is, went to Whole Foods and purchased all of these delights because they did not have the mini ones.

Long story short I love my mom. Okay, moving on, can you tell I’m an oldest child?

2) I had what I wanted for dinner & it was all American (or at least what was all American at my house)

chicken nuggets (morningstar and suprising delish for being microwave cooked) & macaroni and cheese!

chicken nuggets (morningstar and suprising delish for being microwave cooked) & macaroni and cheese!

What do you know I really am a college student. Now I am going to be honest and say I didn’t finish the mac & cheese, but I did eat most of it, one step at a time people, one step at a time.

3) I found that I particularly enjoy doing yoga while watching my favorite television shows. Yes I know this is may not be the most effective way to yoga, but for a busy college girl who loves grey’s anatomy and should be writing a formal report sometimes killing two birds with one stone is necessary. And plus I think it’s doubly relaxing :) well that would be until your roommate walks in somewhat drunk…

4) I procrastinated throughout the day and played with my blog layout. What do you think??

5) I don’t have class tomorrow, always a benefit of Thursdays :)

6) I have a new plan for when I grow up. DRUMROLL . . . .


a pear, right??
a pear, right??

I am going to have a PEAR TREE when I grow up! I think its brillant, if I do say so myself, because I love love pears but they are pretty expensive, so I will just grow my own! They will be wonderful. Anyone know where the best place to grow pear trees is?


So that’s about all I’ve been up to for today, well all this and actively avoiding homework & searching for ways to feed my wine love.

PS–One of my new goals is to switch up my breakfasts (i love my oatmeal, but come on variety is the spice of life, right?) any yummy non-oats breakfast ideas??

And a sincere thank you to everyone who has taken the time to visit my blog, I appreciate each and every one of you, never hesitate to share your thoughts/wants/needs/rants with me :)


proudly imperfect :)

In Uncategorized on October 14, 2009 by Emily ( Tagged: , , ,

me again! yes i should be doing homework or studying or doing laundry or sleeping, but i’m not. quicky blogging in the library is just too much fun, minus the library part.

i hope everyone’s hump day is nice and happy, too bad it is freezing and gross drizzly raining here, winter is most definitely coming early this year since fall weather was all of a week. boo.

so yesterday’s  highlights:

  • i found $20 by the elevator :)
  • i learned how to properly eat soup (scoop the spoon away from you)
  • had fun hanging out with my ladies in wfa (women’s financial association)
  • my roommate didn’t sleep in the room

its the little things right?

&& i have made a new discovery, and i know i know its nothing new to most of you, buttt i tried doing yoga without any sort of guide (i.e. yogadownloads) and let my body flow as long as it wanted and where it wanted. it was amazing! only this is i forgot to set an intention, but i felt a wonderful peace in savassana that i didn’t realize i have been missing for a couple weeks. i’m really proud of this, hate to brag but it felt so good! try it–you won’t regret it!

my yoga environment :)

my yoga environment :)

yes, i am still lagging in the picture department, but i brought my camera with me to the library tonight so maybe i’ll get creative!

overall today has been pretty positive so far. i have been thinking a lot about uncertainty and imperfection. & i have decided that there is no reason not to embrace both. life isn’t about playing it safe and always doing what is expected of you. (i shocked one of my group members when i told him that i have no problem skipping class, he said he would have never expected that from me, haha i tend to boycott classes based on principle)

i don’t know when i got it in my head that i needed to be perfect and follow the rules to be happy, maybe that just comes with being a type A personality. but you know what i’m sick of it. i set too many boundaries for myself and it doesn’t make me happy, it keeps me in a box. so i’m done. done with rules and restrictions, i don’t need them. college is about trying new things, meeting new people, growing up, and finding who you are and who you want to be.

as of right now i want to learn, have fun, and be free. i will never be perfect and i want to stop chasing it. i am and want to be impefectly beautiful!

how did you embrace your imperfections today?


positive is the way to be

In Uncategorized on October 5, 2009 by Emily ( Tagged: , ,

hell0 fellow bloggies :)

it feels as though so much has gone on since my last post…i’ll start you off with a little recap.

my studying outfit :) haha

my studying outfit :) haha

now i know this is not as glamourous or fashionable as all you other bloggies out there (cough cough miss snackface) but it is the most comfortable way to study/take exams/meet with your group in. i highly suggest fleece, tennis shoes, & leggings.

on that note i think my test went fine, nothing out of the blue on it so that was a positive of yesterday. & i finished way early so i had some time to kill before my group meeting, which took me to KIRKWOOD (for all of you who don’t know its kind of the downtown of bloomington lots of cute restaurants & shops)

i do like this about bloomington

i do like this about bloomington

this was in an cute little ally (ha as if that is possible). now you may ask why i was in an ally downtown, well that would be because i made an amazingg discovery…dun dun duhh

love love love bloomingfoods

love love love bloomingfoods

BLOOMINGFOODS! it is the cutest little natural/organic co-op grocery store i have ever been too (and possible the only one i have ever been too, but that’s neither here nor there). sadly just coming from my test i was penny-less & therefore heartbroken, but at least now i know where to go when the cash is burning a whole in my pocket.

then it was group meeting time, which was actually somewhat productive. we are doing a case for Target (& i know i am not the only out there who loves Target). actually you bloggies could be a great help. What could Target do to bring in more wellness conscious customers like all of you beautiful people? i know big question right, but if you have any ideas i would really lovee to hear them :)

then i grabbed myself some vegetables from the salad bar & created a nice little dinner, i would like to offer the before & after

before; food court salad bar creation

before; food court salad bar creation

after; salad bar salad all fixed up, yum yum

after; salad bar salad all fixed up, yum yum

it was exactly what i wanted, sometimes you just can’t beat fresh (well maybe fresh) veggies.

now on to something more important. i was wandering around blog land this afternoon and i would like to point out miss pb&jenny’s awesome idea! GOALS.

for me goals are great motivators, i really like to have purpose for what i am doing with myself, and i really need to employ them more concerning my recovering & bettering of self process. like i said yesterday i tend to set up impossible expectations just so i can feed into my low self-esteem. this is going to be a thing of the past. no one should expect or accept failure. that’s why setting goals that are achieve-able while still helping you to grow are wonderful!

at the moment i actually have a few goals for myself this week:

  1. eat dinner at the food court with someone on my floor
  2. ice cream

i don’t know if you have noticed but a majority of my meals are by my lonesome. now i don’t find anything wrong with this as long as you are enjoying yourself and you food, but for me i like for meals to be social as well. back in high school my family was actually really good at have dinner as a family most nights, and i realize now how wonderful that was. so this week instead of scooting to the salad bar and grabbing veggies to assemble in my room i am going to eat at the food court with a new friend.

#2 is a little bit more scary, but it is necessary (and i effing love ice cream, uh why do i keep forgetting that). i am going home on thursday (YAYYYY!!) to look at a couple schools and cincinnati has what i consider to be the best ice cream: GRAETER’S. its french pot & totally worth it. sadly i haven’t had ice cream since easter. (growing up i would eat ice cream for breakfast) so this weekend while i am home i am going to go to graeter’s and have a scoop. and i am not going to die.

try to take a minute and think about goals & how you like to approach them. i promise nothing bad can come from a good goal.

well i think that’s all i have to chat about for now. time to hit the library to create some quality Enhanced Entity Relationship Diagrams. doesn’t that sound just like a boat load of fun? not that i’m complaining or anything.

PS–how do you feel about goals? love them? hate them? have any you are currently working on?

& if you have any Target advice please don’t hesitate to let me know what you think :)