Posts Tagged ‘home’

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valentine

In Uncategorized on February 13, 2010 by Emily (https://funnyemily.wordpress.com) Tagged: , , , ,

morning!

i’m watching my best friend’s wedding and doing a little digesting before a bit morning yoga.

not much has ensued since we last spoke, i did see the imaginarium of doctor parnassus–heath ledger’s last movie. i liked it in all its odd, strange glory. i’d actually love to watch it again and find all the symbolism; i’m an analyzer at heart.

i also had therapy yesterday and my therapist decided to tell me her theory about me–obsessive compulsive personality disorder. after a day of thinking about it i can still say i have no idea what i think, how i feel. she also asked if i had ever thought about medication. my head has been swimming.

as for the rest of the weekend i’m heading home (again, i know). i have good cause this time–sunday/valentine’s day is my sister’s birthday. the valentine’s baby turns fifteen. so tonight is her birthday dinner (red robin) and tomorrow we’re celebrating all birthdays at my grandma’s.

sorry to cut this post short…i guess i’m lacking some inspiration and having trouble deciphering my thoughts.

i’m hoping to get around to baking some beautiful cookies this weekend–& pictures, i need to take more pictures.

weheartit.com

speaking of valentine’s day: i’ve only had a valentine once, in 7th grade. he gave me a teddy bear & a rose at my locker. i got him a giant hershey’s kiss & never gave it to him. no wonder we didn’t last, i’m far from a good girlfriend.
tell me about your valentine’s!!

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Articles

bit bitchy

In Uncategorized on February 6, 2010 by Emily (https://funnyemily.wordpress.com) Tagged: , , , ,

if you would like to skip story time, i don’t blame you. but i beg of you to ask me a question, yes yes, i cannot resist a trend, also known as formspring.

hello beautiful people. i’m home again. eh, what’s new? at least this time i have 1/2 a bad reason to be home. story time:

last night (thursday night) i was just going about my business sitting in the kitchen (probably reading blogs) watching grey’s anatomy & private practice. a very ideal time for me. a time that i often look forward to throughout the week. i was quite content with the world (especially because my roommate often likes to have people over for thirsty thursday, forcing me to watch my shows on fridays).
unfortunately my bliss was cut short. my roommate came back from where ever she was around 10:30 and quickly asked if i had a lot of homework (stupid question). i said no, but i was going to be going to bed soon (me=grandma & had an early friday morning meeting). she proceeds with oh crap, well would you mind if i had some people over, we’ll be quiet, and we won’t be here long we’re going to the bars. i tell her its fine. & she reminds me to let her know if they get to loud (because i obviously want to be the bitch to say shut up i need to sleep at 11:30).
at this point i clean up the kitchen & get my coffee ready for the morning, wash my face, brush my teeth and get ready for bed hoping no one shows up during the process. i take refuge in my room and pray i’m not forgetting anything. about 20 minutes later i realize i have to pee. damn it, there are at least 12 people over at this point. i stand in my room reminding myself that i live in this apartment too and i can used my bathroom, if they look at me, then they look at me. success.
then i jump (literally) into bed and try with all my might to fall asleep. i think it was the bass that kept me up. because i know i was tried, exhausted even. it could have just been the level of speakers. or maybe it was all the yelling. what ever it was specifically i don’t really care. my roommate and all her people (i hesitate to say friends because i clearly heard her introduce herself to quite a few of them) kept me up last night. emily=not happy about this.

so i understand that i probably come off as a complete bitch at the moment, which would be a good way to describe me. but this is the first time i’ve really cared about my roommates having people over. i’ve always been able to fall asleep relatively easily. i’ve never been woken up at 3am.

this morning i woke up, got dressed in the bathroom (apparently my other roommate’s boyfriend made it home & to her bed) then wiped down the kitchen counters. while my roommate who threw the party was passed out on the couch. i was polite in that i only turned on one light to cut my bagel in half (considered leaving them off, but i didn’t want to cut off a finger). then took my breakfast back to my room and ate it while blog reading. unfortunately not the most pleasant of breakfasts.

so that would be 1/2 of why i am home. the other 1/2 would be that i decided i wanted to come home tonight before any of this went down in the first place.

now before you say i should have said something to her, i was planning on it. but once i got back from class she avoided me. first by pretending she was still asleep, then by disappearing while i went to the bathroom, then by pretending to be asleep again. i’m pretty sure my face screamed pissed off.

so there you have it. a long bitchy story of my night…i’ve found myself telling bits of the tale all day, maybe now i can get over it.

& not to worry i shall return to normally scheduled blogging asap {i did just have a glass of wine}. oh & i really want to jump on the formspring bandwagon. ask me anything at all, i’d really like to answer any/all questions :)

and yes—happy weekend to all!

Articles

la weekend

In Uncategorized on January 31, 2010 by Emily (https://funnyemily.wordpress.com) Tagged: , , ,

good afternoon all :) hope you had a wonderful weekend. mine hasn’t been too shabby.

i made my way home friday, stopped at trader joe’s & i’m thinking the best purchase was the nuts about raspberries and chocolate trail mix. its the absolute best.

i’m a little bummed to say that my mom and i didn’t end up painting my room, there just hasn’t really been the time, not that we’ve really done much of anything. eh we’ll paint it later.

yesterday i had my first experience with steel cut oats & egg white oats. i almost did it right. of course i followed miss amanda’s recipe down to the pink lady (well minus the raisins…since i had none).

the final product! it was delicious.

my only issue was that i was impatient with the egg whites…next time i will let them soak into the oats more so they don’t cook themselves white.

&& i faced one of my nemesis—pizza. oh yes i did.

amy's individual light in sodium spinach pizza. all for me...

much better experience than the last time. it was delicious. who cares that it wasn’t a big old greasy slice, to be honest i know i enjoyed this more than i have ever enjoyed typical pizza from a pizza place.

proof i enjoyed it. ha wow :)

and you know what i still had a night time snack after, just because i had pizza doesn’t mean Ed should talk me into restricting.

as for today i don’t have too much planned, getting my butt back to school & hopefully some grocery shopping cause it’s a fact of life.

happy sunday loves!!

ps miss snackface is having a fabby giveaway for snackface’s birthday!!

Articles

refreshing

In Uncategorized on January 20, 2010 by Emily (https://funnyemily.wordpress.com) Tagged: , , , , , ,

i’m back loves. i love blogging. and i love all of you. thank you so much for being here for me. your kind warm words mean the world to me. && please know i have been reading, i’ve refrained from commenting but i couldn’t stop myself from reading, i like you all too much.

so what have i been doing for the past week? well, i’m not really sure. i’ve been doing school, i went home for the long weekend, and now i’m back to doing school. not all that much out of the ordinary. oh wait…i went to counseling yesterday afternoon.

yes counseling–i think i was honest. i told her about how i just feel uncomfortable, panicked, & still obsessed. i don’t know what’s going to happen next, they are going to call me within the week. she was nice, and will likely be the person i talk to. she also said they started a new protocol that has patients with eating issues work with a nutritionist and physician along with the therapist.

i’ve also gone to 2 yoga classes at the rec center. i’m really happy with them, over winter break i was looking for an actual studio to go to because i didn’t think the rec center classes would be that good. i was wrong, sure i’ve never tried a real studio so maybe i’m missing something, but these classes have been good. one day i hope to belong to a studio, but its just not in the cards at the moment.
yesterday we did splits :) i’m so surprised i could do them! & in savasana the instructor even gave us a little massage, pure bliss. i’m really hoping to make some friends in the classes.

as for the blog, i’ve been thinking about what kind of direction i want it to go in. if i want it to have a direction at all. honestly, i haven’t figured anything out. so i’m going to stick with going with the flow of it for now. but there may be some changes in the future ;) something FRESH.

back to me going home lots. i’m not sure what to think of it. i like being home, i like being around my family, i like the safety. but i also know that i’m using it as a crutch, so i don’t have to go out or hang out with new people. sure my social life is more active now than it was at indiana, i actually have chances to do things; now i’m just choosing not to. well, not for everything, but somethings—a basketball game over the weekend, a party on sunday, a basketball game tonight. i know this is how things start.
i have a goal to stay down here this whole weekend. unfortunately, thinking about it makes me anxious.

as for tonight i think i’m just going to take it easy…some yoga, whatever the wednesday shows are + homework. i also have to call my health insurance tomorrow, ew. & i lost my ID today, so i have to buy another one tomorrow. typical.

weheartit.com

kurt: every word is true.

Articles

uh title-less. lo siento

In Uncategorized on January 6, 2010 by Emily (https://funnyemily.wordpress.com) Tagged: , , , , , ,

happy hump day my beautiful people! i hope its warmer where you are, because it’s painfully cold here. i’m chilled to my bones, even though my mom says i’m too young for that.

well i went home yesterday. ridiculous i know, ha but one of my friends was leaving for school today, and she was picking up her jeans just a few exits away so she came by and grabbed me. its just so easy being so close to home. can you hear the smile in my voice?? i got to sleep in a warm room & just had to get up at 630 for my dad to drop me off on his way to work. only bummer was that i left my new tj spicy hummus at home. but no worries, i can nearly guarantee i’ll be back soon to rescue it :)

& yes my friend and i stopped by trader joe’s, its right across the street from the alternation place. all my idea. guilty as charged. i got some dried apricots, pomegranate greek yogurt {um delicious, hello!!}, spicy hummus, && INDIAN; by the way i tried it in the store [step forward Ed tells me this is notttt okay, he’s wrong]

the sample t'was delicious, i just had to buy it

today has just been spent going to my 2 classes. easy peasy.

one thing though–i got “caught” calorie counting. well, not really caught per say, but i was questioned & my answer was “oh, it’s nothing”, “no big deal”, “really don’t worry about it”

:(

how embarrassing. part of me just wanted to explain the whole thing (Ed and all) when we walked back to the apartments, another part of me planned to lie and say i was balancing my expenses if he happened to ask about it again. i’m pretty sure neither option is the way to go. i’m glad it didn’t come up again. has this ever happened to you? & down to the root of it, calorie counting? ugghh!

to be honest today after my afternoon snack Ed told me i was done. done for the day. no one would know, i could just crawl into bed. i get pissed at myself for having these thoughts, but i allow them to happen. i have yet to find my spark to change.

aside from that jazz i’m all by my lonesome in my apartment at the moment [cougar town is on tonight with lisa kudro!! friends mini reunion, except not really, but i don’t care, i’m still excited!!]

want to see my place?? sure you do :)

my side of the room (my bed is so tall, definitely takes some climbing to get into, hah)

the kitchen!

did i tell you that a majority of my stuff was food?

top of my desk, just some happy things

well time to have a snack so i’m off :) hope everyone has a lovely night!!

“Be curious, not judgmental.” — Walt Whitman

Articles

fresh new year

In Uncategorized on January 3, 2010 by Emily (https://funnyemily.wordpress.com) Tagged: , , , , , , ,

thank you so much for your most wonderful thoughts on my 2009 post. i tend to be a big dweller, but 2010 is about moving forward and growing from the past, so no dwelling.

okay so a quick recap of my new years eve: had to change my outfit 4 times (the dress kept changing from casual to dressy and then back), hopped in the the car and found out we were going to clifton which is where my new apartment is so quickly ran back inside to get my keys so i could talk everyone out of staying in the sketchy house. and boy did the party start awkwardly/boringly and then resulted in a typical house party, i was extremely out of the loop for a majority of the night but i just decided not to care. at least i didn’t have to suck on gross beer, since i came well equipped with mini wines {yeah everyone thought i was classy, ha}
then it was like 1:30 and there was no way i was staying at this house (by the way, how people managed to survive in this house is beyond me) so i began talking my friends in to heading to my apartment. luckily everyone agreed, but then we had to find our drivers purse which took forever! but we found it and headed out, and quickly realized we left two girls behind, one vomiting, ugh. [most vomit-y party i have ever been to by the way. yuck] but whatever we made it back to my apartment.
then at like 3 the fire alarm when off. i should probably let you know that it was ice cube weather, i was a little concerned i was going to end up with frostbite, i was in tights! well eventually we could go back in and we all passed out.

moral of the story: i went out. it was pretty ridiculous by my standards. i was uncomfortable. i feel kind of stuck up about it. these kind of things happen in real life.

yeah when i got home i was angry, i was tired, i was hungry. so i ate, parked my behind, and went to be early. so things are better.

now onto today, today we (me, my dad, my brother, my sister, & my other sister) moved some of my stuff into my apartment. wish i could say it was a fun loving experience where everyone joked and got along, but not the case, i had attitude. i was a bit stress and stress = attitude most of the time. working on it.

i think i'm just going to work hard at being nice to people ;)

so that must mean tomorrow’s the big day, i’m moving into my apartment for real, hopefully meeting my roommates, & really being a bearcat. i kind of wish i wasn’t so damn scared. i tried to do some yoga tonight, but i was totally not present, i was pretty pissed about it, but one day off won’t kill me, it will just make tomorrow’s practice that much better.

time to muster up some bravery...

ps — i totally loved reading everyone’s take on new years :)

now i will warn y’all blogging may take a back seat for a little bit, you know so i can get adjusted and such. not to say i won’t be reading, i am most definitely reading (you guys keep me sane!) but i may not be commenting/posting (who am i kidding i’ve been super sporadic over break as it is)  as much. i shall try my best! i love all of you :)

I can’t go back to yesterday – because I was a different person then. — Lewis Carroll

Articles

2009

In Uncategorized on December 31, 2009 by Emily (https://funnyemily.wordpress.com) Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,

here we go. its time to look at 2009. i’ll warn you, it’s not going to be pretty. if i had to describe this year in 3 words: unhappy, eating, disorder.

sometimes i look at my journal, usually to see how stupid i was, or how i attempted to write out my feelings. it serves as an indulgence, i think i’m indulging in self-centered-ness. but i think this is the first time i have been scared to look at my journal. why? well for one nearly everything scares me at least a little bit these days, and that i’m not just going to ignore the words.

January: new years felt like a binge-cookies, dip, sugary alcohol, 4 of us just sitting around. i beat myself up for that. i was still heavy at that point, but i was vegetarian. my journal: “i love being vegetarian. it makes me something. i am vegetarian. i am skinnier too. it sort of rocks a lot. a lot. a lot.” everyone i knew, knew that i was vegetarian. i told everyone, looking back i must have sounded like fool. & i visited the nutritionist, she recommended i visit CAPS. i think i was flattered in a way, but i ignored her, i was still heavy.

February: valentine’s day stands out for me. i called my sister to wish her a happy birthday and ended up balling desperately asking my mom to pick me up so i didn’t have to spend the day alone at school. but, that wasn’t an option so i spent most of the day at starbucks. i told myself that i could accept who i was and how my body was. i was alone, and i felt it. i think i nearly binged on oatmeal raisin cookies the next day which caused me to flip out. i decided the next week “i can be a vegetarian runner in business”

March: i don’t remember march. nothing specific happened, i think i spent a lot of time running, doing 8-minute abs, researching diets, searching calories and nutrition facts. i avoided going out, i was full of excuses. i did go down to south caroline to visit my friend on spring break, i had a good time but as soon as they ordered chocolate cake i bitched out, there was no way on earth i was having a bite.

April: more of march’s doings, had a mini breakdown walking home from going out to eat. i started making plans on what i was going to do differently, while trying to accept that this was my life. little 500 happened (the greatest college weekend) thank god i ran into 2 of my friends outside, because i spent the weekend with them. at one drunk point i considered out loud that i might have an eating disorder. but there was little discussion about it, so i just ignored it.

May: my birthday, hell. during finals week. i treated myself to starbucks oatmeal for breakfast, i really wanted just to spend the day there. but i was demanded to come back to my dorm to have lunch with my “friends” in the dining hall, they thought it was really special that we all got to eat the shit food together. i was not amused. at one point they joked about getting me a cake, but they knew i wouldn’t eat it, and i decided even if they thought i would eat the cake they would have never gotten it for me. i did bake myself a cake when i got home from school, strawberry with cream cheese frosting. i had a small slice.
i also started work in an office. in my mind i was sitting on my butt all day. i thought every night i needed to be at the gym to make up for sitting at work.

June: more work. but it was getting harder for me to actually work out, time was slipping away and i was tired, so i got pissed. i did cut down, but i also started finding any reason i could to take walks at work, i found stairs to walk up, i researched more diet information. (by this point i was eating meat again).
i took a road trip with my two oldest friends. i was miserable, and was beginning to realize that i didn’t think like other people, that i cared about different things. i fell down the stairs and had another breakdown.

July: i ran the hyde park blast (4 miles) sure i walked more than i wanted to, but i ran most of it. the last few hundred yards my chest was dying. i couldn’t even manage to find anything at the blast worth eating after the race. still working about 35 hour weeks. i did become enthralled with yoga :)

August: my mom and i talked about how i needed to change, and how she was scared for me to go back to school. i tried out some therapy, but this woman convinced me i was fine, i just had some perfectionist issues.
then i went back to school. i had the most desperate night of my life. i called my mom and told her to pick me up, i didn’t want to do school at indiana, i needed to be home, i couldn’t be there. i spent hours sobbing, begging my mom and dad to pick me up. they told me i could do this, it would make me stronger. i think i cried for 2 days, i just hurt.

September: i realized i could get plenty of exercise walking around campus, i walked everywhere and always took the stairs, even the 10 flights up to my room. i think i went out once, and the night didn’t end well. [which puts my number of times going out for the semester to be 2]

October: decided to transfer officially. started to blog (i think).

November: thanksgiving, prepared to leave. did my school work. attempted to entertain myself, fighting between the conflict of wanting to hang out with people, while telling myself that i had lost the ability to relate to people, telling myself that no one would want to hang out with me, and that i couldn’t face the anxiety of hanging out with other people.

December: went to CAPS.

so that was my year. and its been all about me in my head. what i’ve done, what others have done to me. what i did wrong, what i’ve chosen to eat and not eat, how i’m unhappy. sure this year wasn’t easy, i faced a lot of things i had never faced before. i was rejected from some clubs, i was without a best friend at school. my life had changed. and all i saw was that i had gained weight in the first semester and i was going to loose it to bring things back to normal. i put every ounce of this on myself. and though i’ve tampered with the idea of “getting better” i’ve wanted to do it under the condition of staying thin. {i’m short, i should be thin <–one of Ed’s fiercest weapons, i often remember that i was heavy, Ed has so much pride in the fact that i have actually lost weight since january}.
i spent the first half of the year getting thin, and the rest of the year desperately trying to stay that way, the meanwhile isolating and berating myself. Ed made me a little bubble, a bubble i’ve been expecting and waiting for someone else to pop.

i have yet to trust that i am enough.

this year i am starting at a new school. in a new apartment. with new roommates. new classes. new people. sure, i’m scared shitless. but i can be happy. you can be happy. because: WE ARE ALL ENOUGH.

this year i am planning to embrace the fact that i have the ability to be human. as tonight i am going to a party, i have no idea what the night will bring, all i know is that i have some wine and old friends.

care to join me?

“Life is too important to be taken seriously.” — Oscar Wilde