Posts Tagged ‘new’


what’s necessary?

In Uncategorized on February 10, 2010 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , , , ,

good evening loves :)

so after i last posted i realized that it kind of seemed like i didn’t do anything while i was at home–then i remembered that was not the case:
this past weekend i–>

  • baked cookies with my baby sister
  • had lunch with my mom & her friend at panera
  • i painted my toenails “off with her red”
  • took 2 days off from yoga & didn’t die
  • kind of put my room back together

not necessarily in that order. && i know this is totally after the fact and not really necessary but whatever.

recently i have adopted a new attitude, it may not be the most attractive of attitudes, but it is what it is. the attitude is = “i don’t care” it gives me free reign to do as a please. i can be weird. i can be cranky. i can be romantic (okay, that hasn’t happened yet). i can be irrational (uh oh). i can be what ever i want. someone please tell me why it has taken me 19 years to realize this?

on the subject of necessity, i think its obvious i am not a fan–

nope, 4 drinks (3 different teas) are not necessary when studying. i don't care.

now, when i say studying i mean sort of catching myself up for the class that i skipped friday and that was cancelled today. oh and i found out that the university closed at noon today after i walked around (literally around it–somehow thinking those sidewalks would be less slippery; i was very wrong, hello there were less people walking on them) the campus and passed a generous guy who filled me in. all i could do was laugh, especially because part of me expected it. so naturally i went to the bookstore, bought a sweatshirt, walked to clifton natural foods (praying it was open & that they had hummus) and bought a can of black beans.
& i overslept this morning and skipped my first class. successful day? sureee.

since the campus was closed, yoga class was obviously cancelled as well (um i even stopped in the rec center to be sure–anal much?), so i decided to reacquaint myself with yogadownloads; power vinyasa flow # 1 – 60 minutes specifically. quite tough, especially after the pansy class i went to yesterday (don’t even get me started, it was supposed to be yoga strength).

i also figured i should try something new for dinner, cause you should cook when you’re snowed in, so i made italian eggs over spinach (shout out to miss amanda!) i added some brussels & mushrooms, because i’m honing in on my rebel skills, which means i no longer follow recipes obviously.

on the rebellious note–what’s the most rebellious thing you’ve ever done?

i think tonight is all about reading & falling asleep. lately the best part of my day has been laying in my bed just feeling it, its the simple things :)

oh but the simple things like people chewing with their mouth open and biting their nails makes me want to die.

happy tuesday!

questions/comments/concerns/anything you want to see from me? (i promise to stop bothering you with this sooner or later)

& pb&co giveaway! no joke :)


screwing my head on straight

In Uncategorized on January 26, 2010 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , ,

you bloggies = the best. i say we just leave it at that.

sorry for being so dramatic loves, just had to get it out. i’m feeling better, i did have a nice yoga session & shower on sunday, along with a trip to whole foods with my grandma. & the structure of classes has been treating me pretty nicely.

today i had two tests, which i’m pretty sure went well, so i am currently doing a whole lot of nothing. i probably should be studying for my other test tomorrow,but i think that’s going to have to wait until after yoga & dinner. priorities. in my fit of nothing-ness i decided to stroll down to clifton natural foods. it sounded sketch to my mom. i disagree :)
i’m really glad i checked it out cause it has lots of bulk bins with grains & such so i don’t have to get such giant things all the time and i can cook at my leisure. & i got 2 pink lady apples. i’m excited :) oh & i got something new tooo–>

for the low low price of $2.99; i rationalized that i needed it cause they are more expensive at whole foods. ha

i haven’t tried it yet, but i called my mom to tell her about it (okay just realized how weird that is & i must apologize for my nail polish in recent pictures, my mom asked if i’d ever heard of nail polish remover) and she asked if i just seek out the strangest things there are…and i think she may be right, but that’s the fun right?? actually at the moment i’m currently snacking on kefir, pistachios, & raisins. pretty delicious if you ask me.

oh and today i met with my new therapist. first things first, she said “gotcha” a lot, which really irked me (so does the word irk). other than that she seemed nice, quiet. it was a lot of introductions and stuff cause she’s not the same woman i had my initial interview with. she gave me a card for a nutritionist i’m supposed to call as well. && thinking about it, i am going to try to stop calorie counting on my own right now. i have an exchange meal plan, so i think i’m going to go back to working with this & see how i feel.

all and all the past 2 days have been about getting my bearings together after this weekend & not going to lie, i already have plans to go home friday. i really cannot thank you guys enough for the endless support.

“I have discovered in life that there are ways of getting almost anywhere you want to go, if you really want to go.” — Langston Hughes

what do you guys think? can you really get what you want by truly wanting it? do people get stuck because they don’t actually want to move on? is it enough to just want something?


and so it begins

In Uncategorized on January 4, 2010 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , , , , , ,

so it happened, it’s real, i’m a bearcat. ah! aside from the fact that it is 16 degrees outside, things are going pretty well. my apartment is relatively huge, my roommates are nice {and they eat, i had a mini irrational fear that they wouldn’t}, & i figured out how to turn the heat on today [would have helped to know last night when i was a popsicle in bed]. oh i did leave this morning without my key card, cause i thought i already lost it, but then i found it on my desk when i got back. silly me.

i had two classes today–financial accounting and business foundations [can’t believe i have to take this] and one of my guy friends from high school is in both of them! score. i now have someone to sit with & walk me home :) plus i even have time to do yoga!! happy!

&& my dad came to visit me before he went to the basketball game with my grandpa. i soo love being closer to home. 20 minutes baby!! good thing because i left like a ba-jillion things at home (remote control, dvds, spatula, baking sheet, the list goes on)

on the food front, eh i’m doing okay. yes i’m eating, more at a maintenance level than a gaining level, i’m doing a lot of measuring, i calorie count once a day [just to keep track], and i have rationalized myself out of getting food with a friend. not the hugest deals in the world, but not really steps forward in recovery. i’ve rationalized that i’m just getting myself into place here, i don’t want to try too much too fast. its kind of a cop out, i need to realize that if i want to have fun i need to suck it up and kick Ed out. i feel like a pansy admitting this, i’ve just let Ed become such of a comfort. i just feel content with it. even though i overcooked my oats this morning, wahhh– i think it’s time to start thinking about taking another step…

however i am snacking on some of these beautiful babies :)

so delicious :)

**miss sam (merrittothecarrot) is having the most delicious of giveaways :)

**update:: if you ever need/want to email me i’m now using a different one–

i love my fellow bloggers so much :) because you guys want me to tell you what makes me happy. major thanks to miss amanda [.seek.], emily [secret doors], and rachael [ruby converse and curls] tagged me in this fabulous award!!

all that i need to do is tell you 10 things that make me happy, try to do at least one of them today, and pick 10 bloggers who make me happy to pass this along to :)

  1. yoga–i feel like i could write for days on yoga, it is responsible for grounding me to this earth, i really have no idea where i would be without it.
  2. my family–i know, i know corny. but they never fail to listen to me, respect me, and love me. but they’re also there to call my out on my ridiculousness.
  3. oats–even though i’m trying not to have them every day for breakfast, they always make me happy.
  4. coffee & tea–always comforting, you can frown while sipping a wonderful warm drink.
  5. chatting–sure i’m not always up for being engaging and entertaining, but its really nice just talking to people.
  6. friends dvds–i love the show and the fact that the episodes never change, and still every time i watch them i laugh.
  7. cooking–i love creating new things in the kitchen, some may find my creations quite odd, but i think they’re delicious.
  8. walking–to class, around the neighborhood, in the park. i like that i walk places.
  9. being pleasantly surprised–i tend to expect the worst of everything but hope for the unrealistic best, which often leaves me disappointed. so its really nice when things surprise me.
  10. blogging–you girls are amazing. every comment, each of your posts, touch me. thank you for being :)

i would love to pass this award to — rebecca (from here to there in purple), sophia (burp and slurp), eleanor (pieces of her), kailey (peanut butter bliss), devan (watermelon tequila), sam (merrittothecarrot), lexi (starlight diner), tat (tatianna lives), katie (faith food & fitness), shelley (finding happiness and health)

sorry for the snooze of a post, just adjusting… & totally picture-less, boo, i shall change that! the camera comes out tomorrow :)


“Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.” — Allen Ginsberg

oh, when did i forget how much i adore allen ginsberg?


a day

In Uncategorized on December 10, 2009 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , , , , ,

happy thirsty thursday boos! if only i was partaking in thirsty thursday adventures instead of studying managerial accounting all night long. if only, if only.

feels like its been ages since i last blog, and that means i have things to tell. wish i could call them exciting announcements, but not so much.

  1. you are the most wonderfully encouraging people i have ever met, each one of your comments was right on the money and appreciate each and every one of you.
  2. did i conquer the pizza? no. have i felt like i let down each and every one of you and my mother? yes.
  3. today i went to caps (counseling and psychological services) and i have a physicians appointment monday morning.

so this caps thing, it felt pretty spontaneous to me actually. i had an appointment with my accounting TA after lunch and my next class wasn’t until 4 so i had time to go to the emergency walk in (even though i really wasn’t experiencing an emergency, i just didn’t know how to make an actual appointment). so i went, filled out bunches of forms and met with a very nice woman who confirmed my beliefs that i have an eating disorder [this is the first time a professional has told me, emily, you fit the criteria of an eating disorder]. she asked me to sign a form saying she could talk to the physicians & dietitians and i have an 8am appointment for an physician with eating disorder experience to see me. the thing about this is that i probably should have done this much earlier in the semester, because now i have a week with these people. but she did seem confident in helping me figure out what to do when i go home and move to UC.

if it were not for you beautiful women i would not have been able to do this. my sincerest thank you goes out to each of you. you women are amazing.

so that is pretty much the extent of my day.


  • dinner
  • studying
  • glee
  • yoga
  • studying
  • greys

hmm not sure if i can fit the studying in ;)

want to see something embarrassing??

seriously embarrassed to post this. it will appall my mother. but whatever wanted to show all the studying i need to do (minus the disgusting floor), just keeping it real.

PS–finished my last class of IU today! finals are all i have left to conquer.

love love love

“Mistakes are painful, but they’re the only way to find out who you really are.” –Denny (Grey’s Anatomy)


i accept the next 13 days

In Uncategorized on December 4, 2009 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , , , , ,

happy friday my loves!! i hope you are keeping warm because it is faaa-reezing here!!

muchas gracias por la comments on my last post :) i’m so glad you all understand, deep down i knew you would ;)

so what have i been up to on this frigid friday? well shopping of course :) i walked my butt down to kirkwood to find a christmas gift for my sister, luckily i succeeded at urban outfitters. i got myself some lunch and tea then made my way back to my room. all in all it took 4 hours, probably because i’m a turtle when i shop & eat. whatever i had nothing better to do…well actually i skipped out on a yogini session (yoga club i helped create in the business school) but i just did not want to go, so i didn’t.

and that would be my event for the day, haven’t done much of anything else…attempted at a nap [ended up crying instead? hmm], enjoyed some hot-power fusion yogadownloads, had dinner, currently depressing myself over “say yes to the dress”, after this i’m finishing my accounting essay & sleeping, exciting day!! just kidding, my mom told me i was grandma this morning and she speaks the truth. only 13 more days!

now this is something i am working on, accepting life as it is. for me life right now includes: studying for finals, going to one more week of classes, visiting professors during office hours, watching movies on tv, eating microwaved food, doing dishes in the bathroom, breathing, packing up my things, desperately waiting for my dad to get here on the 17th at 4pm just so he can give me a hug.

nothing miraculous is going to happen, the days aren’t going to disappear, i’m not going to automatically know everything i need to for my exams.

but i can laugh & giggle during small talk with acquaintances, i can draw a picture, i can dance during yoga, i can make indefinite plans for christmas break. i can be hopeful.

my spirit can be bright

hopeful is hard for me, i equate hopeful with hopeless & stupid. i’ve always been afraid of being made into a fool, of being laughed at behind my back, of not seeing the brutal blow ahead of time. i expect myself to see the future and read minds. i can predict someone’s next move and interpret their silence. i’ve stood by this belief for years.

but right now I QUIT.

i know rationally that nothing changes over night, i can’t predict the future, and i can’t read minds. so i’m done trying to. i am accepting things as they are & living through it. i am removing my expectations for the time being. all i can do right now is my best. and my best does not have to be the best.

i may not be living life to the fullest, i am not being wild & crazy. i am going to do what i want to do with what i have.

i do however have one goal—to capture my current life in photographs, i am going to take pictures of where i am for the next 13 days so i don’t forget.

a happy friday to all! and to all a good night!

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be. —The Beatles

please know that i am so very grateful that each and every one of you are here.


yoga revelation

In Uncategorized on November 9, 2009 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , , ,

hello! hello!

let me start off by saying i feel like i did a lot of thinking today. some of the thinking was good, while some of the thinking was not so good.

for one thing i have been confused today at why in the world i am not scrambling over homework…i have racked my brain quite a few times but i seem to have done all i can do for now. weird, so not normal. and hell no i am not complaining :)

&& totally distracted by gossip girl–vanessa, dan, & hilary duff; threesome? what is going on??

i also was tragically mistaken this afternoon, you see i thought i made a appointment to get the h1n1 vaccine this afternoon. so i went over to assembly hall to get the shot. well, when i walked in there was no one there. i asked a random person, the janitor who said no one had been there all day. i walked around the building, went into a different door. then i finally gave up and went to class. nearly convinced that i was now going to die of swine flu.


buttt you see my appointment was not for this afternoon, my appointment is for the afternoon of the first day that they start administering the vaccine. they don’t even have it yet. haha maybe next time i will read the things i sign up for a little closer.

oh & i should warn you i am picture-less. i decided that i didn’t want to take the effort to be a paparazzi to my eats today. sorry!


now in an attempt to bring some meaning to this post ;) i shall elaborate on my thoughts.

during stats i had the urge to do yoga (that’s nothing new i always want to do yoga) but i was actually craving the 25 minute power yoga #4 – donation yogadownload class. this class begins with a short meditation about Metta, or universal love. you are encouraged to repeat that you are free of hostility, free of infliction, its really wonderful to hear & meditate on. i highly suggest this class if you haven’t tried it, i felt so good during & after.

this got me thinking about what it is that i really want to change about myself. and i become slightly troubled, because i don’t know what i want, i have so many different voices swirling in my head.

what i know for sure is:

  • i want to be happy
  • i want to be comfortable as myself
  • i want to experience love

i know these are all good things and the majority of the human world wants them too. but to me these things are so huge that they seem somewhat unattainable and impossibly terrifying. i sometimes jump to thinking about the “then what?” so say one day i find that i am happy, then what?

this is where i realized that i have no reason what so ever to be thinking about the then what. i have not even achieved these things yet, and there is plenty of work i need to still do. if these are the things that i know i want then i shouldn’t need to ask “then what” right?

that is when it hit me. TRUST. i am skeptical and i don’t trust the power of simple happiness. i seem to think that it won’t be enough for me. but who am i to think i need more? why do i seem to think that happiness is not good enough for me? or is it just that i don’t think happiness is possible? ugh such a scramble.

then i thought of a wonderful affirmation.


unhappy people are no better than happy people. suffering does not make someone more important or worth while. rebecca reminded me of this on one of here comments, “yet I really can’t explain why.. Sometimes I guess I just enjoy the company of my own misery” <–this is how i have been living my life, just me and my misery, at least i always had my misery. i’m delusional. i want to stop being concerned about what everyone around me is doing, it’s time to stand on my own two feet. i’m not quite sure about how i am going to do this but i’m pretty sure that’s a part of it.

now i am taking a big, deep yoga breath. i now have a step to take. i plan to take it. it involves no regrets. it involves living. please join me, i’m convinced it will be fun :)

thank you beautiful people of blog world for being here, you all help me more than you know. i hope you all continue to follow this unpredictable journey :)

Photo 101

please laugh, pretty please :)


fresh friday

In Uncategorized on October 23, 2009 by Emily ( Tagged: , , ,

(i have no idea what my post title means) & awesome giveaway @ julie’s!

good evening everyone, hope everyone is out & about living it up! i for some reason or another am sitting in my dorm farting over homework. damn it.

but i do think my eats were quite delightful today, lala here comes my day:

totally rocked the oat-less breakfast :)

totally rocked the oat-less breakfast :)

then i sent out on an adventure to KIRKWOOD, um its like totally cute downtown bloomington, i really just needed out of my room.

the scenery along the way…

leaves everywhere!

leaves everywhere!

i pretty much adore this tree

i pretty much adore this tree

by the time i got there it was lunch time, so i stopped into bloomingfoods (super awesome local/ organic/ co-op grocery store that you have to go through an ally to get to [and yes i almost got hit by a van & a semi trying to get to it, oops])

most random lunch everrr

most random lunch everrr

ate these goodies at the starbucks while reading some sociology. yes exciting, at least this was exciting:

twas good, twas very good

twas good, twas very good

then i got a bit restless and wandered around kirkwood in search of some soup. i stopped in like 5 different places, none had the soup i wanted…um probably because i didn’t know what the soup i wanted was (eh this is one of the annoying things about Ed, he likes to tell me  i want something vague like soup, but then reasons that none of the soup i see is right, and i must have the exactly right soup aparently; ughhh very frustrating!)

so finally i managed to shut him up & ventured into FARM, i’ve always wanted to try it so today i figured why not, its not like i had anything better to do. (i’d strayed away before because its pricey & i felt like i had to go there with someone). but you know what i didn’t want their soup either.

that would be pumpkin atop that salad, yummmay!

that would be pumpkin atop that salad, yummmay!

at FARM everything is made fresh from locally grown ingredients, it has a lot of awards. i really liked it. i wish i would have taken a picture of what it looks like inside, it is soo cute, you would love it!

so i eventually wandered to the union to read about banana wars (chiquita business stuff, actually quite interesting).

then i was feeling sad. and i think it stemmed from feeling alone all day, urg i really wish i had someone to wander around with me :( i don’t want to sound like a whiner, but friends have been hard for me at school…anyone have any advise/tips/words of wisdom about stuff like this? i don’t know exactly what my problem is, but i tend to feel like i don’t have much in common with people and that they don’t really want to do the things i want to…

so now i’m doing some homework and considering just calling it a night to make today go away…

on a much happier note—-

so speaking of pears...aren't these awesome :)

so speaking of pears...aren't these awesome :)

found this over at glamour’s vitamin G this morning….i would totally pay big money for one of these babies!!! ah maybe my pear tree will cuties grow like these! 

night night lovelies!! hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

PS–what was the best part of your day??

so i know i was complaining, but it was great to finally make it out to kirkwood and grab lunch at bloomingfoods and chill at starbucks for a bit, it felt quite nice to just hang out somewhere other than my room.


working on me

In Uncategorized on October 22, 2009 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , , ,

Today had some wonderful parts. [ps miss pb&jenny is hosting an awesome fiber1 muffin giveaway]

1) I have the BEST mom in the whole wide world. I’m sure all of y’alls (wow, I can’t even pull that off online) moms are great, but I love mine the most. Look what she sent me



Did i mention that I love my mom?

No, your eyes weren't deceiving you, there are like 18 larabars there

No, your eyes weren't deceiving you, there are like 18 larabars there

You see the other night I sent my mom an email with a photo of a box of mini larabars that I couldn’t get at school because it said they were only available at Whole Foods & since we have one right up the street at home I figured I’d let my mom know that she could buy them to me if she wanted. She, being the awesome woman that she is, went to Whole Foods and purchased all of these delights because they did not have the mini ones.

Long story short I love my mom. Okay, moving on, can you tell I’m an oldest child?

2) I had what I wanted for dinner & it was all American (or at least what was all American at my house)

chicken nuggets (morningstar and suprising delish for being microwave cooked) & macaroni and cheese!

chicken nuggets (morningstar and suprising delish for being microwave cooked) & macaroni and cheese!

What do you know I really am a college student. Now I am going to be honest and say I didn’t finish the mac & cheese, but I did eat most of it, one step at a time people, one step at a time.

3) I found that I particularly enjoy doing yoga while watching my favorite television shows. Yes I know this is may not be the most effective way to yoga, but for a busy college girl who loves grey’s anatomy and should be writing a formal report sometimes killing two birds with one stone is necessary. And plus I think it’s doubly relaxing :) well that would be until your roommate walks in somewhat drunk…

4) I procrastinated throughout the day and played with my blog layout. What do you think??

5) I don’t have class tomorrow, always a benefit of Thursdays :)

6) I have a new plan for when I grow up. DRUMROLL . . . .


a pear, right??
a pear, right??

I am going to have a PEAR TREE when I grow up! I think its brillant, if I do say so myself, because I love love pears but they are pretty expensive, so I will just grow my own! They will be wonderful. Anyone know where the best place to grow pear trees is?


So that’s about all I’ve been up to for today, well all this and actively avoiding homework & searching for ways to feed my wine love.

PS–One of my new goals is to switch up my breakfasts (i love my oatmeal, but come on variety is the spice of life, right?) any yummy non-oats breakfast ideas??

And a sincere thank you to everyone who has taken the time to visit my blog, I appreciate each and every one of you, never hesitate to share your thoughts/wants/needs/rants with me :)


home sweet home

In Uncategorized on October 11, 2009 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , , ,

my sister's first homecoming, isn't she beautiful?

my sister's first homecoming, isn't she beautiful?

happy weekend everyone! i am having quite the relaxing weekend at home, i love my family.

yesterday i went to visit both the schools i am considering transferring to, i was hoping i would know instantly what was right after visiting, but that is a bit unrealistic. in reality i have a lot of thinking to do. i met a friend of me for coffee this morning to talk about how he felt about transferring which was very nice.

other new news: bought a new computer today! i’m still not quite sure if my other one is a complete lost cause, but i won’t get the quote till wednesday and i go back to school on monday. (that may sound ridiculous, but if my computer turns out to be worth fixing then my dad get this one since his is really old)

have a new computer means i have PICTURES :)

a delish breakfast one morning! omg look at that pb (natural kroger brand=amazing)

a delish breakfast one morning! omg look at that pb (natural kroger brand=amazing)

my yoga environment :)

my yoga environment :)

a green orange & mini clif (going for the chocolate orange thing since people say thats so good, but i got scared an at the orange then the clif)

a green orange & mini clif (going for the chocolate orange thing since people say thats so good, but i got scared an ate the orange then the clif)

best salad of my life, really i'm obsessed, next time you go to wf get it you will love it

best salad of my life, really i'm obsessed, next time you go to wf get it you will love it

packed my lunch one day, + pb&j, first time trying was interesting

packed my lunch one day, + pb&j, first time trying was interesting

goal #2 was the best ice cream i have ever had, mocha chip is a winner

goal #2 was the best ice cream i have ever had, mocha chip is a winner

a very successful weekend so far if i do say so myself. that’s not to say it has not been meltdown free. last night was a big one, but i think it helped to set me free. it really helped me realize a few big & important things.

  • you aren’t going to get anywhere if you don’t let other people help you
  • living under constant self imposed stress is stupid
  • you can let people be your friends
  • everyone is different and that makes life interesting
  • why the hell care what everyone else thinks
  • there is nothing weak about loving yourself
  • change is beautiful and it feels good to embrace it

i know these sound like over-used, run-down cliches. believe i know, but i think there is a reason people say these things, and that’s because they are true. but i also think people can tell you these things a million times and they will never sink in. you have to realize it yourself and it comes with finding who you are and loving who you are.

i can’t say that i am completely assured of who i am, but i am excited to find out. when i like being around myself, other people will too. college is the time to find yourself, and i’m ready for it. so what if i had to break myself to pull myself together. i think it may be for the better, i am very aware & my new awareness will lead me to my truth.

i hope people read this and agree & want to push themselves to truly find who they are, but for all i know people may look at this and laugh at me. what ever the case may be what matters is that i am glad to get this out and i’m stepping up to the plate, because i will always be me. remember you will always be you, too & its wonderful.

did you know that i like to make schedules when i’m at school? & then i take pictures of them ;)

this was tuesday...sometimes you need to remind yourself to breathe

this was tuesday...sometimes you need to remind yourself to breathe

oh and a sad food fail–anyone else have these ever? care to share?

sabra & apple = does not work :(

sabra & apple = does not work :(

so longest post of my life, congratulations if you made it to the bottom, i love you for it :)

have a happy happy end of the weekend. do something delicious ;)