Posts Tagged ‘oats’


la weekend

In Uncategorized on January 31, 2010 by Emily ( Tagged: , , ,

good afternoon all :) hope you had a wonderful weekend. mine hasn’t been too shabby.

i made my way home friday, stopped at trader joe’s & i’m thinking the best purchase was the nuts about raspberries and chocolate trail mix. its the absolute best.

i’m a little bummed to say that my mom and i didn’t end up painting my room, there just hasn’t really been the time, not that we’ve really done much of anything. eh we’ll paint it later.

yesterday i had my first experience with steel cut oats & egg white oats. i almost did it right. of course i followed miss amanda’s recipe down to the pink lady (well minus the raisins…since i had none).

the final product! it was delicious.

my only issue was that i was impatient with the egg whites…next time i will let them soak into the oats more so they don’t cook themselves white.

&& i faced one of my nemesis—pizza. oh yes i did.

amy's individual light in sodium spinach pizza. all for me...

much better experience than the last time. it was delicious. who cares that it wasn’t a big old greasy slice, to be honest i know i enjoyed this more than i have ever enjoyed typical pizza from a pizza place.

proof i enjoyed it. ha wow :)

and you know what i still had a night time snack after, just because i had pizza doesn’t mean Ed should talk me into restricting.

as for today i don’t have too much planned, getting my butt back to school & hopefully some grocery shopping cause it’s a fact of life.

happy sunday loves!!

ps miss snackface is having a fabby giveaway for snackface’s birthday!!



happy day

In Uncategorized on January 23, 2010 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , , ,

happy saturday loves. i’m determined to make today a happy saturday :)

well let me start by showing you what i received in the mail yesterday. the most beautiful devan sent me a glorious package!!

thank you so so much devan, al things i have never ever tried before!!

chocolate shall return to my life :)

MIGHTY MAPLE! oh my gawwd. devan i cannot thank you enough!

you best believe i put these to good use with breakfast this morning :) my tummy is so happy right now!

no better way to try a new pb & i used a honey stick. YUM!

oh my goodness mighty maple did not disappoint, you guys were not kidding. & devan you’re right, my life has change. there is no doubt if i ever see a jar i am buying with no hesitation. devan you’re amazing :)

so my morning has begun swimmingly. how was my last night?
well, last night:: i went to chipotle with some friends (vegetarian bowl with some rice!! & guac, success), saw zombie land [which i surprisingly didn’t hate], back to the apartments, had a bit to drank + diet coke (who is this girl?!), visited another friend, called my best friend at 2am & chatted for an hour, fell asleep. i don’t know about you, but it seems to be a pretty successful night to me.

sure there were a few snaffoos, like when everyone was finished eating at chipotle and since i eat like a turtle i still had more than half my bowl left, but since everyone was finished i stopped. which meant i was hurting with hunger by the time the movie was over. which definitely caused a bit of a panic…i remedied it though by running back to my apartment and getting some cereal & an apple.

tonight has the potential of being just like last night, which unfortunately is causing me a bit of panic…i don’t really like to drink two nights in a row. not that i ever really drink a lot, & it’s probably an Ed thing, cause i really have nothing against drinking, i like it (minus beer) & i usually end up having a good time. now i know i could just hang out and not drink, but tonight is a bigger deal than last night so i would feel awkward not drinking. dilemma…how do you guys deal with the drink-ity drink stuff??

&& i would like to remind you all that today is NATIONAL YOGA DAY! check out what miss amy has to say about it :)

i’m wearing this gem in honor for sure–>

love this shirt

now it’s just a matter of getting dressed. ha

major love!

may i be free from hostility, free from affliction, free from distress. may i live happily.


and so it begins

In Uncategorized on January 4, 2010 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , , , , , ,

so it happened, it’s real, i’m a bearcat. ah! aside from the fact that it is 16 degrees outside, things are going pretty well. my apartment is relatively huge, my roommates are nice {and they eat, i had a mini irrational fear that they wouldn’t}, & i figured out how to turn the heat on today [would have helped to know last night when i was a popsicle in bed]. oh i did leave this morning without my key card, cause i thought i already lost it, but then i found it on my desk when i got back. silly me.

i had two classes today–financial accounting and business foundations [can’t believe i have to take this] and one of my guy friends from high school is in both of them! score. i now have someone to sit with & walk me home :) plus i even have time to do yoga!! happy!

&& my dad came to visit me before he went to the basketball game with my grandpa. i soo love being closer to home. 20 minutes baby!! good thing because i left like a ba-jillion things at home (remote control, dvds, spatula, baking sheet, the list goes on)

on the food front, eh i’m doing okay. yes i’m eating, more at a maintenance level than a gaining level, i’m doing a lot of measuring, i calorie count once a day [just to keep track], and i have rationalized myself out of getting food with a friend. not the hugest deals in the world, but not really steps forward in recovery. i’ve rationalized that i’m just getting myself into place here, i don’t want to try too much too fast. its kind of a cop out, i need to realize that if i want to have fun i need to suck it up and kick Ed out. i feel like a pansy admitting this, i’ve just let Ed become such of a comfort. i just feel content with it. even though i overcooked my oats this morning, wahhh– i think it’s time to start thinking about taking another step…

however i am snacking on some of these beautiful babies :)

so delicious :)

**miss sam (merrittothecarrot) is having the most delicious of giveaways :)

**update:: if you ever need/want to email me i’m now using a different one–

i love my fellow bloggers so much :) because you guys want me to tell you what makes me happy. major thanks to miss amanda [.seek.], emily [secret doors], and rachael [ruby converse and curls] tagged me in this fabulous award!!

all that i need to do is tell you 10 things that make me happy, try to do at least one of them today, and pick 10 bloggers who make me happy to pass this along to :)

  1. yoga–i feel like i could write for days on yoga, it is responsible for grounding me to this earth, i really have no idea where i would be without it.
  2. my family–i know, i know corny. but they never fail to listen to me, respect me, and love me. but they’re also there to call my out on my ridiculousness.
  3. oats–even though i’m trying not to have them every day for breakfast, they always make me happy.
  4. coffee & tea–always comforting, you can frown while sipping a wonderful warm drink.
  5. chatting–sure i’m not always up for being engaging and entertaining, but its really nice just talking to people.
  6. friends dvds–i love the show and the fact that the episodes never change, and still every time i watch them i laugh.
  7. cooking–i love creating new things in the kitchen, some may find my creations quite odd, but i think they’re delicious.
  8. walking–to class, around the neighborhood, in the park. i like that i walk places.
  9. being pleasantly surprised–i tend to expect the worst of everything but hope for the unrealistic best, which often leaves me disappointed. so its really nice when things surprise me.
  10. blogging–you girls are amazing. every comment, each of your posts, touch me. thank you for being :)

i would love to pass this award to — rebecca (from here to there in purple), sophia (burp and slurp), eleanor (pieces of her), kailey (peanut butter bliss), devan (watermelon tequila), sam (merrittothecarrot), lexi (starlight diner), tat (tatianna lives), katie (faith food & fitness), shelley (finding happiness and health)

sorry for the snooze of a post, just adjusting… & totally picture-less, boo, i shall change that! the camera comes out tomorrow :)


“Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.” — Allen Ginsberg

oh, when did i forget how much i adore allen ginsberg?


back to school :(

In Uncategorized on November 29, 2009 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , , , , ,

good evening bloggies, sad to say the bliss of break is over…

well i should be doing some sort of homework activity right now. ughh back at school & totally found myself near tears all day :( every fiber of my being does not want to do school right now, i really need a wave of motivation to wash over me.

i will say one positive thing, at least i am in the presence of my puffins! stash :)

anyway, its been awhile since we last chatted, a whole 2ish days (haha) & my goals for those days was to enjoy myself…simple right? yep i think i can confidently say i did just that. recap?

thanksgiving…we’ll return to that

black friday–stayed in, scooted myself to mi amigas casa to hang out with her awesome niece (ahh i love her!), dinner at the country club [which was crazy successful, i really enjoyed it], cards with mi amiga

saturday–avoided homework, went to the mall with my mom [got a new suit, exciting right?? hah], ran errands with my daddy, panera with another amiga, LUNAR FLOW-age (my re-yoga debut since la teeth)

today–soaked in a calm morning at home, packed up and my mom brought me back to bloomington (of course we stopped and kroger to get the necessary groceries!)

ps: got to share just one foodie pic :) last meal at home

don't tell me these oats aren't beautiful ;)

how about we return to thanksgiving, eh?

as i mentioned i skipped out on the first get together, then i got my butt and gear and drove to my grandmas [success! i only got lost once] once i got there i chatted it up with various family members, smiled tried not to get anxious, and looking back i was teetering during all the mingling before dinner, my body needed appetizers (hello i walked 6.2 miles that morning) but Ed didn’t let that happen :( i was also on edge the whole time, i didn’t even sit down until dinner.

dinner, well we eat buffet style (there are so many of us, its just easier) i got anxious while i let all the little ones get their plates, but then i got in line with my dad and made my plate. i filled it up as best i could (carrots, turkey, my mom’s winter fruit salad [favorite dish], green beans, & sweet potato fluff stuff [i was not a fan]) looking back i realize it really wasn’t much, and i didn’t even finish all of it. i’m disappointed, hell i was itching to go by the end of the night so i could get myself a cereal snack. i enjoyed my family and spending time with them, but i hated that my thoughts were elsewhere…

and i only got one comment on my size and what i ate, i tried to change the subject as quickly as i could but it was not easy (it was my grandma’s old friend, and she is quite opinionated), && i was so happy because everyone was very supportive of my decision to transfer, everyone is offering to visit me :) my grandma is even offering up weekly trips to whole foods [oMG!]

all in all this thanksgiving was a learning experience [i.e i need much more post-race refuel that i Ed think], and i hope next year will be better (actually, i have an even sooner chance to try again–christmas eve at my grandma’s)

so that’s the deal, not the prettiest, joyful-est deal but that’s okay, i believe i really learned something.

so now i am back at school, wishing i was at home, avoiding homework. productive right? i’ll get right on that….

hope everyone has a relaxing sunday night (desperate housewives anyone??!!) good luck with classes in the morning, i know i’m not looking forward to them :/

anyone have super exciting plans for the next couple of weeks, you know so i can live vicariously??

“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.” —August Wilson

i do have the strength and courage to finish these last 18 days, i will keep breathing



In Uncategorized on November 5, 2009 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , , , ,

i’m so glad i decided to blog. you all are so wonderful, and i very grateful to now have you all in my life. thank you from the bottom of my heart.

i have been feeling more positive since my last post, it’s been up and down. i am happy to report that i bought myself a book yesterday (i’m reading what i want, screw school, okay that’s a bit dramatic i think i have the time)


probably just because amy & rebecca like it so much ;)

i started it last night, and i can hardly put it down, i read more this morning before i even got out of bed :)

i think i have figured out a way to describe how i have been feeling in the world lately, small. not really physically small, but in terms of necessity. it’s a feeling of insignificance. and for me i have always believed that i can only be important if other people think i am important. <–that right there is a big problem, i let other’s dictate me. i want to change this, i want to be enough as i am. i am enough. we are all enough.

reality is a fuzzy thing for me. i have the tendency to decide certain things aren’t possible in my reality [i can’t say hi to him, we can’t really be friends, etc.] essentially i’m putting myself into a box, setting up boundaries. honestly it’s no wonder making friends is hard for me, a part of me doesn’t think it’s possible. that part of me is what Ed feeds on. he helps to create the expectations that are impossible for people to live up to, he creates scenarios that will never happen and will always leave me disappointed. i am going to work on this, i think practicing mindfulness with help me with this.

ah i’ll let go of the heavy stuff and move on to the yummy stuff :)


pb & j, banana, oats, & cinnamon puffins = sheer bliss

no shame in this breakfast 2 days in a row, its a winner!


i won me some zevia from the lovely kristi’s giveaway a few weeks ago. i’ve never really been much of a pop drinker but i really appreciated the fizzy-ness! it tasted just like i remember pop tasting and i would highly recommend it. i am quite excited to try the other flavors!

other than that jazz, i went out to dinner with a somewhat estranged friend last night. i told her i was transferring & then i got annoyed because she kept saying how she was sorry about it and aw emily, blah blah. i had to keep telling her that there was no reason for her to be sorry, there is nothing to be sorry for and there is no reason for her to feel bad. but whatever.

we went to panera & that was good, but it was kind of peeve-ish how they are now posting calories on the menu board. but i just have to remember they are just calories, that’s all.

so it’s totally dinner time right now…hmm what to make in the oh so wonderful microwave! haha :)

i hope everyone has a lovely night!

&& ps—i’m totally loving rebecca’s idea of a bloggy book club! how shall we arrange it?

and do you ever talk about food with people who don’t exactly know that you are struggling? (if that makes sense)

i don’t really talk to people about foods i like…or really the fact that i like to eat healthy (i used to) i share things with my mom, but i guess i think i don’t like normal foods so i shouldn’t talk about it….huh i make no sense.

“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” –Mahatma Gandhi


i’m back

In Uncategorized on October 31, 2009 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , , ,

hello everyone, thank you so very much for your love! ahh i love y’all so much and thankfully i am catching up on my missed sleep.

allow me to back up a bit to explain. after thinking about it i figured out that i set myself up for what happened wednesday night. i chose to go to a group meeting (that i knew had to the possibility of becoming an all-nighter) with not enough food to sustain me. for the record cheerios, a little bit more than a tbsp of peanut butter, an apple, and an ensure are not enough. i wish i could say i don’t know what the hell i was thinking. but i was thinking i don’t want this meeting to be an all-nighter so i am going to act like it will only be a few hours.

so around 2am i was hungry, and i chose to do nothing about it. i could have gotten pretzels out of the vending machine, but i refused to acknowledge that option. i was also faced with the situation that my mom always brings up, pizza. yes, my mom often asks me what am i going to do when i’m with a group of people and they decide that they want pizza. and what did i do? its obvious now that declined to have some, and i didn’t get any protest from my group because they know that i like to eat healthy. they didn’t think twice about me saying i didn’t want any.

needless to say by the time 5am rolled around i felt terrible, i wanted nothing more than to disappear from everything and make it all go away. so i went to bed and woke up to eat the best oatmeal breakfast i could think of (for the record it was applesauce & banana, puffins & pb)

so that was wednesday into thursday.

today, aka halloween, i am sitting in my family room with my mother on our very comfy couch. (ps happy halloween everyone!) i found a way to get my booty home, and boy am i glad not to be dealing with all the party drama at school. after the stress of the past week i needed to leave and be away from all of it.

on a much more awesome note, thursday i found out that i got into business scholars program at UC, it will be official for the spring quarter, but they set up a “bridge” for winter quarter so i can get to know everyone. this is obviously a big bigg plus for UC and i am pretty sure i shall be transferring there come january. not 100% positive, but like 92%. sometimes its good to toot your own horn.

ahh so i think you guys need some pictures!

2nd attempt at pumpkin oats...i don't know if i'm doing it right :/

2nd attempt at pumpkin oats...i don't know if i'm doing it right :/

no oat breakfast--SCORE! van's berry waffles = delishh

no oat breakfast--SCORE! van's berry waffles = delishh

hit the spot

totally hit the spot. ham, turkey, laughing cow, pickles, carrots :)

now i need some tips. PUMPKIN OATS? as i am sure you can tell from my photo above these are not as wonderful as all the pumpkin oats i see around blog world. so help, help, help i want to enjoy the blissful pleasure of pumpkin oats! thanks loves :)

hope everyone had a happy halloween :) what did you guys do? ha not that i won’t be seeing it all over your blogs later ;)

i spent most of the day freezing my butt off outside, but it was good since i was watching my sister & brother play soccer, i like to think i am a good big sister sometimes :) [i may or may not have purchased some white chocolate wonderful as well…stay tuned! and stay tuned for a recap of the start of a new yoga club i am a part of…eek try to get excited]

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” –Buddha

i love the old wise one.



In Uncategorized on October 21, 2009 by Emily ( Tagged: , , , ,

remember me? it feels like years since my last post…hows everyone doing?

 well my life has been focused on homework, eh trying not to get bummed out about it cause that’s the life of a college student, but come on there should be a break somewhere! & don’t get me started on my group project, i have some choice words for them, but i shall refrain. thanks for listening to my rant. now onto more important things.

NEW DISCOVERY! PANDORA RADIO; now i know this is nothing new and i probably look like a total looser, but on my silly hp laptop i do not have iTunes installed and i don’t have the patience to do it, so pandora has come to the rescue & it totally rocks for random yoga tunes. and i have a GLEE cast station eekkk!! (ps GLEE is totally on tonight and i think i finally get to watch it when it airs yay!)

i’ve been trying to keep the eats interesting….hmm how did i do?

some honey gram bears wanted to join the oatmeal party

some honey gram bears wanted to join the oatmeal party

eating (messily) by the rainbow

eating (messily) by the rainbow

yogurt mess ! doubly good with frozen berries !

yogurt mess ! doubly good with frozen berries !

what's that? more honey gram bears!

what's that? more honey gram bears!

so one thing that i have been really working on lately is not counting calories. it is really hard for me, i have a difficult time listening to my body and trusting that it knows what it needs. i let calories drive my food choices more than i’d like to admit, and it seems to be even harder now that i don’t measure most of the time. i want to be able to eat intuitively, but i definitely struggle with it.

i think my problem is that i waver in the wake of ED thoughts, i don’t always let my rational mind win, but i think that as long as i have hit a calorie target then i am fine. but i don’t like to admit that some days my body wants and needs more, or wants different things than ED is willing to give it.

when i think about it rationally i think, “Emily you are so silly, why would you want to deprive yourself of yummy things when your tummy is telling you that it wants them? There is no prize for eating “correctly”, especially when your own definition of “correct” seems to change everyday. There is no glory in depriving yourself, no one else finds it particularly attractive. People want to be around people who treat themselves well, Emily there is nothing wrong with consistently treating yourself well.”

i realize the reality of my disorder when i stray from these thoughts, i like to tell myself that since i never went a day without eating i don’t really have to change. but just because i didn’t have a clinially diagnosed disorder does not mean that i don’t have a problem that should be changed to live a better life. i know a lot about eating disorders and i know that i have many similar thoughts that i need to work through. i can diagnose myself and trust my own judgment even though i am not a professional, i am right now at this moment admitting that i am orthorexic and working on recovering to become a happy, healthy, normal eater.

i want to move past this.

couldn't tell you why in the world i took this picture

couldn't tell you why in the world i took this picture

i appreciate all you readers, thank you so much, i need all of your support while i navigate myself to a new normal.